Archive for Feelings

Timing…

 

 

life coaching colouryourdream purpose life goal landscape

 

Lately I am very busy, and I only post very short posts, but in a few months I try to do it more frequently again.

I read a quote lately which is very helpful for me:

“When dealing with people and their emotions, timing really is everything. You don’t ask for a favor when someone is angry or correct someone who feels threatened by you. To practice your timing with others, ask the right questions at the right time with the right frame of mind, all with your audience in mind.” (Strategy #35,in the book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, )

I guess I have to learn a lot finding the right timing when to talk and to be silent when it it not the right timing yet to talk!

It would be interesting to know what you think about this quote and how you deal or dealt with it so far!?

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The Law of The Garbage Truck

I think it is a fantastic article – worth posting it and reading it!
Ask yourself the question after you read the article: are you a garbage truck?

Morning Story and Dilbert

How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you’re the Terminator, for an instant you’re probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she can get back her focus on what’s important.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car’s back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who…

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Busy

Dear followers,

at the moment my life is so busy that I haven’t written a post since a long time. Sorry for this. But I will keep on writing….

I am very busy with my job right now: flying to many cities of the world.

And when I am home a few days, I need to rest and also get a lot of things done. But I wanted to let you know, that I am still there =)

I want to share some pictures with you which I took lately. The first one is from the city where I live and the second one, where I traveled a few days ago.

Munich

 

Building

 

Have you ever experienced an uncomfortable situation? I think everybody has, but everybody handles those situations differently. I read a very good quote lately: “Sometimes situations can feel so uncomfortable and rife with anxiety that we jump to action just to get the turmoil to go away. Instead, giving yourself that extra day, week, or month to digest the situation before moving forward is all you need to stay in control. So sleep on it. Sometimes, while you’re waigin, things may surface that make your decision that much easier.” (Book: Emotional intelligence 2.0)

I learned during the last years not to jump into action right away, but think first =) and sleep on it. I am a very active person and I really had to learn it. And I must say: its way better than jumping into action right away!

???What experience did you have with “jumping into action” right away???

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How can you resolve conflict in a positive way?

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Flower

Do you know any person, who never has a conflict to resolve or a disagreement?

I think conflict and disagreement belong to our lives, but the question is: how do we resolve conflict? Do we resolve it in a negative or positive way?
How can we handle emotionally-charged situations and defuse them before they escalate?
It is common that people have different opinions, expectations and needs. But this is not a bad thing. It is possible to resolve a conflict in a healthy and constructive way.
When you feel threatened or punished by a conflict, this can create negative feelings.
But when a conflict isn’t perceived as “threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.”
One skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to manage conflicts in a “positive, trust-building way.”
How can you resolve a conflict in a trust-building way?

– Choose your arguments: Think first – is it worth arguing about it or not? If you want to resolve the conflict in a positive way, you need time and energy for your arguments

– Stay focused in the present: don’t hold on to old hurts and resentments. Recognize the reality of the current situation and view it as a “new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.”

– end conflicts that cannot be resolved: you need two people to “keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.”

– Forgive: people have hurt you in the past – but this is the past If you want to resolve conflict, you need to “give up the urge to punish or seek revenge”

??? How do you resolve conflict??? I would be interested in knowing how you deal with conflict and what you experienced with it???

(Quotes from website: www.helpguide.org, Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Melinda Smith, M.A.)

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Are you right-brained or left-brained?

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Right-brain left-brain

According to a personality test I did not long ago, I am more right-brained than left brained. What does this mean?

Right brain:

Focus is on images
Focus in on perception
Focus is on intuition&abstract thinking
Tends to be more creative and emotional
Likes to see the big picture from start to finish
Street smart

Some people are more left-brained. What does this mean?
Left brain:

Focus is on words
Focus is on reality
Focus is on logic & concrete thinking
Tends to be more analytical & literal
Comfortable working a piece of the process
Book smart
I can clearly see that I am more right-brained, because when I read through this characteristics above I can see myself.

The focus with right-brained people is for example on images. What kind of books do I buy? I like books which have a nice “outfit” – a nice type of font, colors and pictures/ cartoons/ illustrations rather than just plain writing without pictures.
I love when somebody sends me an ecard – cause it’s a picture with words.
When I send emails, I love to add “faces” which show emotions =)

I also tend to be more creative and emotional. This drives some left-brained people crazy: being too emotional. And I guess in some cases they are right =).
The question is: Am I controlled by my feelings or not?

I guess more women have this kind of “problem” sometimes, that they let their feelings control them. But it’s possible to “manage our emotions rather than allowing them to manage us.”
“If we have to wait to see how we feel before we know if we can enjoy the day, then we are giving feelings control over us. But thankfully we have free will and can make decisions that are not based on feelings.”

I think that everybody can think of examples in their lives, where the feelings took over and we did the wrong thing. Maybe somebody has treated you unfairly or hurt your feelings and you decide to shut them out of your life. It’s your choice what you do: you can pray for this person and forgive or you can act according to your feelings and “forfeit peace and joy.”
When I think of myself I guess sometimes there is a lot of pride involved, because I want to give in to my feelings, because I am so hurt. But I know that this is not the best way, because our feelings can “make us miserable and drive us to make choices we eventually regret.”

So it is my choice whether I let my feelings control me or not.
They say that “emotions are the Christian’s number one enemy because they can easily prevent us from following the will of God.”

This morning I was a bit emotional and my feelings wanted to take over. But: I chose not to let this happen! And it worked =)

I was a bit sad and not motivated today when I woke up, because after my long journey I waited now more than 3 days for my suitcase to arrive. I was pretty relaxed about it the last 3 days, but today I started to worry. But then I took action to find out what the problem was and I manged to control my feelings! I prayed, did some telephone calls and started to read a book about feelings =)
So this is why I came up with this post today!

It’s possible to control your feelings and not let them ruin your day!
??? Are you right-brained or left-brained???

??? Did you experience something, where your feelings controlled you or where you managed not letting your feelings control you???

 

(Quotes from: Living beyond your feelings – controlling emotions so they don’t control you, Joyce Meyer)

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Emotional intelligence and flight experiences

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Emotional Intelligence Plane Airport

As I mentioned earlier before, I am reading an E-book on Emotional intelligence – a dear friend gave it to me, for which I am very thankful: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.
I will write here a few things what I was reading yesterday on my 35 hour trip =)

Right now I am reading my E-book on Emotional intelligence – a dear friend gave it to me, for which I am very thankful: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.
I will write here a few things what I was reading yesterday on my 35 hour trip =)

Some people think that personality and emotional intelligence is the same – but it’t not!

Our personality and our IQ is more or less “fixed”, e.g. if we are extroverted we are unlikely to become introverted.
But our emotional intelligence is not “fixed”, we are are able to enhance our emotional intelligence.
They found out that the people who are “most successful in their marriages have a particular profile that is more effectual than those who haven’t been able to make their marriage work.” (P.25)

The writers of this book say that in their seminars there are often people who don’t like the word “emotion”. “We are often confronted by disbelievers who make the obligatory crack about “hugging one another” or “women style” taking over the workplace, if not the entire world.
But they say that “often they settle down and start to both listen and learn. These individuals are almost always male. Men are far more apt to denigrate the importance of emotional intelligence – perhaps because of a lingering suspicion that they’re more emotionally challenged. Soon, what the doubter had previously dismissed as intangible or airy-fairy will become solid and clear (…).” (P.27)

What I like is the fact, that we can grow in our emotional intelligence. There is hope =) for each one of us! But the requirement for this is, that you are willing to change. These changes will not come easily, because old habits and behavior are “like old clothes – comfortable, broken-in, reassuring, and predictable. Building unfamiliar skills requires awareness, dedication, and practice on your part.”(P.31)

When you travel a lot with the plane, you know that a lot can go wrong. And in situations like this you really can see if a person has a lot emotional intelligence or not.
I experience this in my work life a lot – so many different people from different background and different countries: How people deal with the same situation – very different depending on the EQ (Emotional Quotient).

I just read read the example of 2 guys at an airport – this reminds me of my day yesterday when I wasn’t able to get on my flight and I needed a quick solution. I was “dependend” on the lady sitting behind the ticket counter!
I want to write here in a short version the scene which I read in the book I mentioned above. And believe me: yesterdey there was a man at the ticket counter similar to this man in the example of the book.

Imagine this: big airport, many passengers waiting for the call to board the plane.
Then the announcement: flight cancelled due to mechanical difficulties.

Two guys, similar important meeting to go, two different reactions:

Guy 1: He is in a rage, it’s a disaster for him, he is out of control (I’ll never fly with you again! You’re incompetent and (….).” He insults and intimidates the ticket agent.
 this guy is “unaccustomed to paying attention to his internal state. He has absolutely no idea how angry he is, even though the people around him can see that he’s ready to explode. He’s incapable of recognizing his feelings, let alone controlling them. His anger makes it impossible for him to think clearly or to act in his own best interest.” (P. 34)
And he reacts not only in this situation like this but also in his personal life.

Guy 2: his position is no less difficult than guy ones situation. But he knows that he must keep cool. He begins to “reflect on other, equally dire situations he has experienced.(…) He spends a minute or so analyzing his predicament, always aware of how he’s feeling. He tells himself to remain calm. There has to be a solution, if only he keeps his head. He can’t quite stem his anxiety, but he pays attention to and understands thoughts that creep in from the edges of his consciousness.
When he reaches the ticket counter, he’s prepared.” (P. 35)
And he sais to the ticket agent that it must be hard for her to deal with all these people and that he feels bad for her what she has to put up with.

The story shows how different people can react and it covers almost every component of emotional intelligence: self awareness, empathy, impulse control, optimism. (P. 36).

Yesterday I had all reasons to react like Guy 1:

– the plane was full so I couln’t fly
– the lady at the ticket counter helped me
– my luggage wasn’t there
– after 30 hours of travelling 1 hour delay due to technical issues

It’s so good to be aware of the feelings and to stay calm. In my case I knew that God has everything in his hand and that there will be a solution – so I stayed calm.
Thanks also to all the people who prayed for my exciting trip! I was amazed how everything worked out in the end! A miraculous trip!

???What about your flight experiences???

(quotes and content from: E-Book: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.

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Emotional self-awareness

Colouryourdream Purpose Dream Goal (2)photography
“Emotional self-awareness is the ability to recognize your feelings, differentiate between them, know why you are feeling these feelings, and recognize the impact your feelings have on others around you.”

The most important thing what comes first is: emotional self-awareness – that you explore and understand yourself. Only then you are able to change.
Because if you don’t recognize what you are doing, why you are doing it and the way it effects others, you cannot change. You think of yourself: “nothing is wrong with me” – so therefore you don’t see the need to change.

If we are not conscious of what we are feeling we won’t be successful in:

– building key relationships
– noticing when we are feeling stressed
– our capacity for empathy
– offering sensitively verbal communication to others

This ability of emotional self-awareness will “empower you to work toward improvement in all of emotional intelligence’s other areas. Without it, though you might sincerely try to address problems one by one, you’d end up going round in circles. You’d get no feedback; you’d be unable to monitor your progress (…).”

People who have a lot of self-awareness see, when they are “out of sorts, irritable, sad, or seductive, and perceive how these feelings alter their behavior in a way that may alienate others. Usually, they can also figure out what incident precipitated their feelings. The capacity to know what they are feeling and how they are behaving allows them a degree of control over their potentially alienating behavior.”

(quotes and content from: E-Book: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.

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