Archive for Feelings

Wait – before you take a decision

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A few weeks ago my lovely husband invited me for a beautiful breakfast to one of our favorite places. We enjoyed especially the

wonderful nature God created. We were just about to leave, when we saw this gorgeous creature – sitting there….. waiting. It looked

almost like it was smiling =) can you see it?

I am definitely not the most patient person in the world. And sometimes if a situation appears, I want to take a decision right away.

But then I realize: Oops, maybe I should have waited a few days and then take the decision. Of course it depends on

the situation and the consequences this decision might have.

I learned, that in important decisions it is better to wait, before I move forward and the next day the situation might look already a

bit clearer.

When I read this quote a few days ago, I thought: This explains it really well, what I experienced.

“Sometimes situations can feel so uncomfortable and rife with anxiety that we jump to action just to get the turmoil to go away. 

Instead, giving yourself that extra day, week, or month to digest the situation before moving forward is all you need to stay in control.

So sleep on it. Sometimes, while you’re waiting, things may surface that make your decision that much easier.”

( Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy # 20)

 

??? What do you think of this quote? Have you experienced the same? How do you take decisions? Do you jump right into action? And why???

 

 

 

 

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Emotion versus Reason

Sometimes I am quite emotional and for me it is good to talk with people, who are not so emotional. But sometimes I find it irritating, when people don’t show emotions. It is good to have a healthy balance. I learn in some situations, not be be too emotional. I find this following quote helpful – both go together (emotions and reasons).  It’s not only emotion OR reason – both are important to pay attention to.

“For that next sticky situation that gives you grief, create an Emotion vs. Reason list. Grab a sheet of paper and give yourself a few quiet moments to list on the left what your emotions are telling you to do, and list on the right what your reason is telling you to do. Now consider where your emotions are clouding your judgment and where your reason ignores important emotional cues.”

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #17)

 

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??? What is your experience with your emotions? Are you more the emotional type or more the reasoning            type???

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Why arguments hurt

Here comes the continuation of my post: Handling differences and dissagreements. It is about why and how an argument hurts. I found it quite interesting to read it, because I thought already a long time ago before I read this: it is often not the content (what is said) why we get hurt, but because of the HOW it is said.

John Gray says that it is not „what we say that hurts but how we say it.“ When a man „feels challenged, his attention becomes focused on being right and he forgets to be loving as well. Automatically his ability to communicate in a caring, respectful, and reassuring tone decreases. He is aware neither of how uncaring he sounds nor of how hurtful this is to his partner.“

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Further he says that „naturally a woman feels resistant to this unloving approach, even when she would be otherwise receptive to the content of what he was saying. A man unknowingly hurts his partner by speaking in an uncaring manner and then goes on to explain why she should not be upset. He mistakenly assumes she is restisting the content of his point of view, when really his unloving delivery is what upsets her. Because he does not understand her reaction, he focuses more on explaining the merit of what he is saying instead of correcting the way he is saying it.

He has no idea that he is starting an argument; he thinks she is arguing with him. He defends his point of view while she defends herself from his sharpened expression, which are hurtful to her.“

??? Do you want to share any of your thoughts??? When you argue with someone, why or when do you get hurt???

Kindle e-book: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, John Gray, Loc 2644-2673)

 

 

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Handling differences and disagreements

A long time ago I heard from a book: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus (John Gray).

I never read this book, even if it was very popular at this time. But the last 6 years I lived in a house with 3 other people and one of them had this book, so I started to read it and was very surprised . It describes men and women in general – and in many described examples I could find myself.

I haven’t finished reading the book yet, but once in a while I read a few pages.

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A few weeks ago I read a bit further where I left off the other day. It was chapter 9: How to avoid arguments.

I don’t know if you ever have arguments in your relationship? If not, you don’t need to read it, if yes it could help you =) – to understand yourself better and also your partner. Reading it can also help your general understanding about men and women.

A challenge in relationships is handling differences and disagreements. Often the couple stops talking in a loving manner and begin:

  • hurting
  • blaming
  • complaining
  • accusing
  • demanding
  • resenting
  • doubting

each other.

Communication is very important in a relationship and „arguments can be the most destructive element.“ The „closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or to be bruised.“

John Gray recommends: never argue! „Instead discuss the pros and cons of something. It is possible to be honest, open and even express negative feelings without arguing or fighting.“

What happens when we argue? When we don’t understand that men and women are different it is easy to get into „arguments that hurt not only our partner but also ourselves.“

 „The secret to avoiding arguments is loving and respectful communication. The differences and disagreements don’t hurt as much as the ways in which we communicate them. Ideally an argument does not have to be hurtful; instead it can simply be an engaging conversation that expresses our differences and disagreements (…). But practically speaking most couples start out arguing about one thing and, within five minutes, are arguing about the way they are arguing.

Unknowingly they begin hurting each other, what could have been an innocent argument, easily resolved with mutual understanding and an acceptance of differences, escalates into a battle. They refuse to accept or understand the content of their partner’s point of view because of the way they are being approached.

Resolving an argument requires extending or stretching our point of view to include and integrate another point of view. To make this stretch we need to feel appreciated and respected. If our partner’s attitude is unloving, our self-esteem can actually be wounded by taking on their point of view.”

??? What is your experience with this topic???

(Kindle e-book: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, John Gray, Loc 2644-2673)

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Change

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Did you go through a change in the last months or the last year? What kind of change was it? How did you feel?

I had a few changes in the last months. Usually I find that change is good and gives me new opportunities. But at the same time it is also sometimes a bit scary, because of the unknown – but overall it is exciting and opens new doors and new possibilities.

Here is a quote I read a few days ago which I found very helpful and accurate:

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful, it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful, it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident, it is inspiring because the challenge now exists to make things better.“

– King Whitney Jr.-

??? Which “type” are you? The fearful, the hopeful or the confident???

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Disability

 

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As you probably discovered: I love quotes! Good quotes…

So today I read one, which I think is very true. I would like to hear your opinion about this quote from Fred Rogers:

“The problem with the word “disability” is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk.

But what of people who can’t feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in

constructive ways?

What of people who aren’t able to form close and strong relationships? And people who live in

disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love?

These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities.”

 

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Belonging

Just read this quote and thought it is worth posting it!

“Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible – the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.” Virginia Satir

??? What did you experience in your family or what do you think about this quote???

 

Comments (6) »

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