Archive for Personality

How to improve understanding between individuals?

In my teacher studies I came across the „Johari Window“ and just a few weeks ago again. I had already forgotten about it and it was very good to read up on it again.

I find it very helpful.

The Johari window is a technique created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in in the United States. It is used to help people better understand their relationship with self and others.

The two key ideas behind this tool is that you can build trust with others by disclosing information about yourself and with the help of feedback from others you can learn about yourself and come to terms with personal issues.

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There are 4 areas:

  • Open Area
  • Blind Area
  • Hidden Area
  • Unknown Area

The open areais things you know about yourself, e.g. behaviour, knowledge, skills, attitudes.

The blind areais things you are not aware of, but that are known by others. This can be simple information that you don’t know or it can involve deep issues (e.g. feeling of inadequacy, incompetence, unworthiness, rejection). These things are often difficult for individuals to face directly and yet can be seen by others.

The hidden area is things you know about yourself but others don’t know.

The unknown area is unknown by you and others.

So what do we do with this knowledge?

The end goal is to enlarge the open area, without disclosing information that is too personal. The more your people know about each other, the more productive, cooperative and effective they will be when working together.

The process of enlarging the open area is called „self-disclosure“, and it’s a give and take process that takes place between yourself and the people you are interacting with.

As you share information, your open area expands (vertically) and your hidden area gets smaller.

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As people provide feedback to you about what they know or see about you, your open area expands horizontally and your blind area gets smaller.

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The „Johari Window“ helps to look to your own character and it illustrates the importance of sharing, being open and accepting feedback from others.

 

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Are you right-brained or left-brained?

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Right-brain left-brain

According to a personality test I did not long ago, I am more right-brained than left brained. What does this mean?

Right brain:

Focus is on images
Focus in on perception
Focus is on intuition&abstract thinking
Tends to be more creative and emotional
Likes to see the big picture from start to finish
Street smart

Some people are more left-brained. What does this mean?
Left brain:

Focus is on words
Focus is on reality
Focus is on logic & concrete thinking
Tends to be more analytical & literal
Comfortable working a piece of the process
Book smart
I can clearly see that I am more right-brained, because when I read through this characteristics above I can see myself.

The focus with right-brained people is for example on images. What kind of books do I buy? I like books which have a nice “outfit” – a nice type of font, colors and pictures/ cartoons/ illustrations rather than just plain writing without pictures.
I love when somebody sends me an ecard – cause it’s a picture with words.
When I send emails, I love to add “faces” which show emotions =)

I also tend to be more creative and emotional. This drives some left-brained people crazy: being too emotional. And I guess in some cases they are right =).
The question is: Am I controlled by my feelings or not?

I guess more women have this kind of “problem” sometimes, that they let their feelings control them. But it’s possible to “manage our emotions rather than allowing them to manage us.”
“If we have to wait to see how we feel before we know if we can enjoy the day, then we are giving feelings control over us. But thankfully we have free will and can make decisions that are not based on feelings.”

I think that everybody can think of examples in their lives, where the feelings took over and we did the wrong thing. Maybe somebody has treated you unfairly or hurt your feelings and you decide to shut them out of your life. It’s your choice what you do: you can pray for this person and forgive or you can act according to your feelings and “forfeit peace and joy.”
When I think of myself I guess sometimes there is a lot of pride involved, because I want to give in to my feelings, because I am so hurt. But I know that this is not the best way, because our feelings can “make us miserable and drive us to make choices we eventually regret.”

So it is my choice whether I let my feelings control me or not.
They say that “emotions are the Christian’s number one enemy because they can easily prevent us from following the will of God.”

This morning I was a bit emotional and my feelings wanted to take over. But: I chose not to let this happen! And it worked =)

I was a bit sad and not motivated today when I woke up, because after my long journey I waited now more than 3 days for my suitcase to arrive. I was pretty relaxed about it the last 3 days, but today I started to worry. But then I took action to find out what the problem was and I manged to control my feelings! I prayed, did some telephone calls and started to read a book about feelings =)
So this is why I came up with this post today!

It’s possible to control your feelings and not let them ruin your day!
??? Are you right-brained or left-brained???

??? Did you experience something, where your feelings controlled you or where you managed not letting your feelings control you???

 

(Quotes from: Living beyond your feelings – controlling emotions so they don’t control you, Joyce Meyer)

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My personality

colouryourdream purpose goal life personality photography carpet

In one of my last posts I wrote that I like the topic: personality. It’s so interesting for me. And since about 20 years I am reading about this topic and I constantly discover something more about me and also others. When you know yourself better it is easier to “understand” why you act sometimes a certain way or how and in which areas you can grow.

One thing I read recently about my “personality type” according to Myers Briggs is totally true:

My personality type is motivated in everything that I do by a desire to understand the world around me. I am constantly searching about, mentally and physically, for input that will help me to better understand the Big Picture.

Also this “type of personality” often feels different from others and they feel like they don’t fit in, and can’t find the place where they belong in the world.

When I read this I thought: yes, that’s me. I really want to understand the world around me and see the big picture and often I just don’t see the big picture yet and this stresses me out.
But as a christian I have an advantage: it’s good that I can put my trust in God, because HE knows the big picture already! I often think of a woven carpet. I only see the bottom side of the carpet – there are a lot of different stitches and it doesn’t look that good and interwoven. But when you turn the carpet around it looks beautiful. I only see the bottom side of the carpet and not the “big picture” – but in the end when I look back I see the right side – a beautifully woven carpet. That is how God sees my life already, even when I only see the bottom side right now.

I am asking God in every stage of my life: Where do I belong? Where do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? It’s my prayer to do what’s best for me – what God thinks where I fit in perfectly. Even when I feel (from my personality type) that I don’t fit in sometimes I know that I fit in wherever God puts me! And for this I am praying constantly to find out where God wants me to be and what God wants me to do for his glory.

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Personal growth

Colouryourdream Purpose Dream Goal Growth photography flowers

There is one area in my life where I am quite constant =)

I am constantly thinking about myself – and I question myself a lot. I ask myself:

In which area do I want to grow this year? There are lots of areas where I do want to grow:

– relational
– professional/ carreer
– physical health
– spiritual
– character
– emotional intelligence
– hobbies/ recreation
– partner/ family
and and and…..

Last year I worked on some of these areas with a coach and there is still a lot of work to do =) I love to coach people, but I also love being coached because it keeps me accountable. It’s good to think about myself and challenge myself to move ahead.

In the area character I wrote down a few specific things like being more patient and becoming a better listener. I still have a long way to go…..

Yesterday I looked up again my Myres Briggs profile and how I can grow in my personality in different areas. It shows the strengths and the weaknesses of my personality and it’s so good to read it once in a while. It also helps to see that there are so many personality types and why we get into trouble sometimes with one another!

Every person has gifts that are specific to her/his personality type. And if you recognize these gifts and work on their growth and develop them, you will be more content with yourself. You should embrace your strengths and nourish them.

And there are not only strengths but also weaknesses. Sometimes we only think on our strengths and ignore our weaknesses. But if we want to grow as a person we cannot only value our strengths but also face our weaknesses and work on them. I just thought about that I wrote already a whole list with my weaknesses around 13 or 15 years ago. It’s very interesting to read this list again. Back then I did not now about the Myers Briggs Test yet, but about other tests.

And yesterday I looked especially on my Myers Briggs personality type’s problem areas. So I will be busy this year =) and the following……

?? Do you know the Myers Briggs test?? What personality type are you? What did you discover about yourself so far? What do you have to learn? What do you want to improve??

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Emotional self-awareness

Colouryourdream Purpose Dream Goal (2)photography
“Emotional self-awareness is the ability to recognize your feelings, differentiate between them, know why you are feeling these feelings, and recognize the impact your feelings have on others around you.”

The most important thing what comes first is: emotional self-awareness – that you explore and understand yourself. Only then you are able to change.
Because if you don’t recognize what you are doing, why you are doing it and the way it effects others, you cannot change. You think of yourself: “nothing is wrong with me” – so therefore you don’t see the need to change.

If we are not conscious of what we are feeling we won’t be successful in:

– building key relationships
– noticing when we are feeling stressed
– our capacity for empathy
– offering sensitively verbal communication to others

This ability of emotional self-awareness will “empower you to work toward improvement in all of emotional intelligence’s other areas. Without it, though you might sincerely try to address problems one by one, you’d end up going round in circles. You’d get no feedback; you’d be unable to monitor your progress (…).”

People who have a lot of self-awareness see, when they are “out of sorts, irritable, sad, or seductive, and perceive how these feelings alter their behavior in a way that may alienate others. Usually, they can also figure out what incident precipitated their feelings. The capacity to know what they are feeling and how they are behaving allows them a degree of control over their potentially alienating behavior.”

(quotes and content from: E-Book: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.

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Do what you can

 

This foto shows it: I like books – especially about personality. The ones you see in this foto are not the ones I usually read =) This foto was taken at the world exhibition EXPO 2010 in Shanghai. It was great to be there, cause it reminded me of my time 10 years ago at the EXPO in Germany where I worked in my summer break for around 4 weeks. It was a GREAT experience!

And I remember: I was introduced to the world of INTERNET and EMAIL. Wow – what a different world! And now 10 years later it’s so normal to have internet. Unbelievable!

Since about one year I only buy E-Books, cause I can take them everywhere and I don’t have to decide which book to take: cause all books are constantly in my travel luggage: around 17! I got so fed up of carrying all my heavy books around the world that I started to buy E-books. And I love it!
But the problem is, that I try to read around 5-6 books at once. So it takes a while to finish them =)

And when friends recommend books to me I am interested in, I can’t resist bying them.

So lately I bought the E-book: The “Do what you can” plan by Holly Gerth. I want to summarize a bit what I read so far (of course I haven’t finished it yet, cause I am reading many books at once =).

Already in the introduction its says, why this book is for me:
“If you’ve ever made a goal or resolution and not kep it, this is for you.
If you’ve ever said “When things get back to normal, then I’ll… this is for you.
If you’ve ever felt too tired to do what you know you really need to do, this is for you.

Our culture tells us that we have to “Go big or go home.” But research on change reveals a very different story: it’s the small things that make the greatest difference over time.”

I am a perfectionist – as I told you in another post already. And I have a bit the mentality: Go big or go home. So sometimes I think – if I can’t do it all at once, I don’t do it. And then I loose my motivation cause I have unrealistic goals.
As I am writing this post I am thinking of a special person who will smile when reading this =) and maybe thinks: I told her many times……….
Some people are very constant and they achieve a lot! They do small steps but these small steps constantly. I really admire persons like this. Cause I am not the type of person. My personality is either big or nothing. But that’s not good.
I started to be a bit different and to try to be a bit more consistent – sometimes it works, sometimes not. But I am working on that.

Same with my post. My goal was to write 2 posts a week, but that was a way to high goal for me: unrealistic. And a while I didn’t write any post on this blog and got frustrated cause I didn’t reach my goal – so instead of writing once a week I stopped for a while.

So a realistic goal for me is probably 2 posts a month.

As I was reading in this book I just mentioned, it describes my person further:

“I want to achieve great things. I want to do it all or none at all (…)
It’s time to shrink the change you have in mind down to a more manageable size (…).
Decide on the minimum you’d like to accomplish in a particular area of your life (…). Then divide that by about half (…)
A small goal that actually happens and can grow is better than the grandest one that remains a fantasy (…)
Don’t let unrealistic expectations or idealistic ambitions hold you back any longer.”

Oh boy: that is so ME!

I would love to hear your experiences……… Maybe you are very different, maybe you have a good advice, maybe you have the same struggles!? I would love to hear from you.

You can post a comment on this blog or write me an Email: coach.tabea@web.de
Thanks for sharing your experiences!

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Emotional intelligence

 

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“Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships.”

Drs. Travis Bradberry
and Jean Greaves

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