Archive for Feelings

Your emotions effect others

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How does it effect you when others around you are in a bad mood, say bad words or just look bored? I think some people literally “take” the emotions of others on themselves, it effects them a lot how other people behave. Some people seem to not care at all and they live in their own world and for them it’s not a “big deal” how others react and show their emotions.

Have you noticed that you impact others with your behavior?

Emotions are the primary drivers of your behavior. It’s important you understand the effect they have on the people around you. To observe the ripple effects from your emotions, watch the immediate impact in other people’s faces or behavior or ask them how they are affected by your emotions.”

I think very sensitive people “feel” the emotions of other people and it has an effect on them. Watch yourself how the behavior of others effect you and how your behavior effects others.

??? What’s your experience ???

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #2)

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Emotional ability

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Do you sometimtes honestly express to others how you feel? How do they react? Are they understanding or do they say: „Oh, it’s not that bad’, „Oh, I experienced much harder things“, „Oh, don’t be like this“, „Oh, why do you cry“?

Lean into your own discomfort and take a moment to acknowledge, not stifle or change other people’s feelings. You don’t have to agree with the way people are feeling, but you do have to recognize those feelings as legitimate and respect them. If you’re known for being terrible with relationships, then this may be a great place to start getting better.“

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #59)

I exprienced both type of people – but fortunately more the understanding ones, those who understand or really try to understand how a person is feeling. I think this has to do with being able to empathize, with emotional intelligence, how you grew up – what kind of role models you had – were they understanding or not? Did they share their feelings or just „swallowed“ everything?

I think some people can’t really „feel“ (empathize) with you, because they don’t want to be challenged in their „own world“. They don’t want to deal with feelings, just with facts. I think that people who don’t reflect on how they feel, they store up all kinds of feelings inside and one day it will all come up to the surface, e.g. in form of anger, or nasty words, blame.

If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.“ (Daniel Goleman)

??? I would love to hear from you what you think about this post? What experiences do you have with this???

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Train your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)

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Do you sometimes or often or always avoid difficult people or situations? Why?

What could you do different next time in order to grow in Emotional Intelligence?

Here is one tip:

Do not avoid difficult people or inevitably tough situations. Make the choice to use your EQ (=Emotional Intelligence Quotient) skills to move forward by watching your emotions and making decisions about how to manage them. Observe the other person too, share your preferences, and move forward with reasonable expectations.“

??? Who is a difficult person for you or what situations are difficult for you? What feelings do you have when coming across difficult people or situations? What helps you to not avoid these people or situations???

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #58)

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Our emotions

 

 

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When we negate, deny, or disown our emotions we might find ourselves blowing up or ‘going off’ on others with little or no provocation. We can only repress our feelings for so long. Eventually, they will demand to be heard. When we pay attention to our emotions and not judge them as irrational and therefore unacceptable, we can begin to receive the gift of insight that our feelings offer.“

??? Do you have any expriences with this – with yourself or others???

(Quote from: Jeanine Austin)

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To understand each other (Part 2)

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Here comes the continuation of my summary of the book „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier.

I think the author has some interesting and valid points – I think: I am not even married one year, so I am looking forward to read your comments =)

I try to excerpt the most important viewpoints here.

The first condition for mutual understanding is the „desire“ for understanding.

Tournier describes a couple where the wife was „suffering because the husband did not pay attention to her.“ He says that this couple was „one of many“, where „gradually man and wife have grown apart without there ever having taken place any serious conflict.“ Tournier mentions that there are many couples which „live side by side, without hurting one another, but poles apart because of no real understanding of one another.“ He says that there is „an important difference between degrees of understanding. Many people live for years together without deep understanding, without even seeking it. This we see in outstanding, cultured, intelligent families, people of the very highest order, learned men, even professors of psychology.“

Tournier mentions that the so-called “emotional incompatibility is a myth.” “There are misunderstandings and mistakes, however, which can be corrected where there is the willingness to do so.

He points out that the most frequent fault seems to him the “lack of complete frankness.” He sees many couples and he discovers behind their difficulties this “lack of mutual openness, a loyal and total openness to one another without which there can be no real understanding. A couple who are courageous enough always to say everything will without doubt go through many upsets, but they will be able to build an ever more successful marriage.”

He says that many couples “no longer realize, that they are hiding a part of their real feelings from each other, a part of their ideas, convictions, and personal reactions.“

And then he points out that many couples „put aside certain subjects“ in order to have peace, but these subjects are most important for their „coming to a true mutual understanding.“ So „they are starting to become strangers to one another…“

In the bibel we read, that when a woman and a man marries „they shall no longer be two, but one. And what does it mean to be one? Obviously „not to have secrets from each other. As soon as a couple begin to hide matters from one another they compromise the basic openess of marital life. They start off on the road to failure. This is true even if it is done out of the best intentions, or even if it is a very good thing that is hidden.“

 

???I think Tourniers points are very interesting and I would be interested to hear from experienced couples (I am only married for a few months now, so I am not that experienced): Do you think Tournier has a valid point? What is your experience with understanding the partner???

 

Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier

 

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Difficult situations

 

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Even when you can’t do or say anything to change a difficult situation, you always have a say in how you perceive what’s happening, which ulitmately influences your feelings about it. Focus your attention on your freedoms, rather than your limitations.“

 

??? What do you think about this quote? Any experiences from your daily life???

 

( Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy # 27)

 

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Make good decisions

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How do you make decisions? Do you decide spontaneously? Or do you think first? Or both?

In my case: I do both, depending on the consequences of a decision. Sometimes I tend to think too long and sometimes I take a decision too quick. But I am getting better and better in making good decisions!

I think everyone takes emotional decisions once in a while. Some more often than others. But it is good to think things through. Ro me, prayer is also very important to make right decisions.

Here is a quote I read lately:

„The only way to ensure that you have the right space to make good decisions is to set aside some time in your schedule for problem solving. Just keep it simple. A 15-minute period each day where you turn off your phone, walk away from your computer, and take time to just think, is a great way to ensure your decisions aren’t muddled by your emotions.“

??? How to you make decisions? What helps you?

Looking forward to hearing from you what other ideas you have for making good decisions???

( Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy # 23)

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