Archive for Growth

Change

Life Coaching Tabea, colouryourdream by Tabea, coaching, life, change

Are you a person who likes change or are you very constant and you don’t like change?

What was a major change in your life lately? Where you fearful or hopeful before the change happened? How did the thought of the change make you feel?

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful, it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful, it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident, it is inspiring because the challenge now exists to make things better.” King Whitney Jr.

What’s the next change in your life? How do you approach it? How can you approach it differently this time? What opportunities might the change bring in your life?

??? I am interested to hear about your experiences how you approach change???

Advertisements

Comments (2) »

Your emotions effect others

life coaching,colouryourdream,purpose,goal,dream,emotions

How does it effect you when others around you are in a bad mood, say bad words or just look bored? I think some people literally “take” the emotions of others on themselves, it effects them a lot how other people behave. Some people seem to not care at all and they live in their own world and for them it’s not a “big deal” how others react and show their emotions.

Have you noticed that you impact others with your behavior?

Emotions are the primary drivers of your behavior. It’s important you understand the effect they have on the people around you. To observe the ripple effects from your emotions, watch the immediate impact in other people’s faces or behavior or ask them how they are affected by your emotions.”

I think very sensitive people “feel” the emotions of other people and it has an effect on them. Watch yourself how the behavior of others effect you and how your behavior effects others.

??? What’s your experience ???

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #2)

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

If you want to know more about how to find your life purpose, your strengths, your potential, goals, dreams, inner peace and joy, if you want to live a satisfying life and see personal growth, then coaching might be for you. Contact me for a complementary 30 min. coaching session: colouryourdream@web.de

Comments (2) »

Resolutions for 2015? How do you succeed? Why do you fail?

life coaching, colouryourdream,coaching, life, purpose, goal, 2015

One of my resolutions this year is to read through the Bible in one year. I do this with an APP (BiOY), where Nicky Gumbel (a Vicar from England) puts readings together from the Old and New Testament and then he writes a very good (in my opinion) explanation about these chapters and how we can apply them in our daily life.

January 1 he wrote: “ I belong to a squash club that is also a gym. Each year on 1 January they bring in extra gym equipment. The place is packed out. By about 7 January, they move out all the extra equipment as most people have given up their New Year’s resolution and the club returns to normal!” *

Today is the 7th January. Have you already given up on your New Year’s resolution? Or don’t you even bother making a resolution, because it never works?

Why do you give up and why does nothing really changes – even if you want it so badly?

Dr. W. Edwards Deming says: “Nothing changes without personal transformation.”

I guess this is the key!

Most people’s tendency is to try and manipulate their environment, e.g. they change jobs, friends, spouses… But the real answer is not the external, but the internal. Personal transformation will lead to a transformation in other areas of your life.

Some people are not intentional in their personal development and that is why they grow very little. The people who focus on personal development grow rapidly, e.g. socially, in their marriage, in character, spiritually, in their physical fitness and health, in service to others…

That’s why I love coaching so much, it focuses on the present and the future. Through the coaching process the client is able to see more clarity. It is like having on glasses, seing a clear picture, whereas before it was very blurry.

Often I find it hard to focus, because I have so many thoughts and ideas in my head and I don’t know sometimes how to bundle them. In our world there are so much “noises” and impressions around us that it is hard to focus on the things that are (most) important to us.

A life coach helps to focus. I experience this with my life coach. Sometimes I think I don’t really have anything to talk about, but after the coaching session I feel encouraged and I have specific action steps to do, which I wouldnt have really focused on one hour by myself. And my coach keeps me accountable which I find very helpful!

A coach focuses on potential, he sees peoples abilities for what they are at this moment and what they can become. People are always changing – but not always developing. To develop means to increase in understanding, skill or character.

Are you intentional in your personal development? How did you develop personally in the last year? How could you develop (more) in 2015?

Do you know people who expanded a lot in their professional life, but not in their personal life? Some people take on a lot of responsibilities in their professional life and learn and grow, but in their personal development they limp.

A lack of holistic development in one area of life can negatively effect other more developed areas of a person’s life, e.g. lack of character development – especially people in their 30’s (or 40’s), when they have a lot of responsibilities in their professional life. Have you seen leaders “crash”, because their personal, spiritual and character foundation couldn’t support their expanded professional responsibilities?

(summary Keith E.Webb: Core Coaching Skills).

As a life coach I ask my clients mainly questions. And through these questions they reflect, think critical, think creative, think in different directions, make decisions.

Have you noticed that when you make a decision out of “yourself” and this decision is not forced unto you – you are most likely to do it? That is how coaching works: it draws out what is in the client – the client has the answer! The coach only helps to draw out what is inside the client already.

The coaching process is focused on discovery. The client discovers with the help of the coach: new self-awareness, insights, ideas, learning, attitudes, facts, realizations…

After this discovery what happens next? If the process would stop here it would have been only a nice conversation with not much change.

Without action there is no change. Now comes the action!

(summary Keith E.Webb: Core Coaching Skills).

Example: if you make a new years resolution that you want to loose weight and you don’t put this into action (e.g. exercising, eating healthy), nothing will change – it only stays a wish, but there will be no change. Also if you don’t explore the “WHY” probably nothing changes or only for a short period of time. Ask yourself: Why do you want to loose weight and what benefits will it have?

Without asking the question why and then taking action steps you will probably fall back into bad habits and you will give up your resolution of loosing weight.

Nothing changes without personal transformation.” (Dr. W. Edwards Deming)

??? What are your thoughts on personal transformation??? How do you put into action what you discovered, what you want to do or what you want to become??? Who helps you with personal transformation??? How do you know that you grow personally (e.g. in character)???

(* BiOY APP, Author: Nicky and Pippa Gumbel)

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

If you want to know more about how to find your life purpose, your strengths, your potential, goals, dreams, inner peace and joy if you want to live a satisfying life and see personal growth, then coaching might be for you. You can find more here:

http://spokefire.com/tabea-kraska/

Comments (2) »

Our emotions

 

 

Life coaching,colouryourdream, purpose,life,photography,landscape,australia, beach

 

When we negate, deny, or disown our emotions we might find ourselves blowing up or ‘going off’ on others with little or no provocation. We can only repress our feelings for so long. Eventually, they will demand to be heard. When we pay attention to our emotions and not judge them as irrational and therefore unacceptable, we can begin to receive the gift of insight that our feelings offer.“

??? Do you have any expriences with this – with yourself or others???

(Quote from: Jeanine Austin)

Comments (4) »

To understand each other (Part 5)

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

Paul Tournier writes in his book that in order to achieve understanding we need to accept our natural differences.

He says that „instinctively, a very rational man is going to marry a very sentimental woman. Their complementing one another will, at the beginning, elicit an enthusiastic reaction in him. But later on he will want to make her listen to the objective arguments of reason; he will become annoyed at not being successful in this. He will try to show her that she is not logical in her sentimental explosions.“

??? When you look at couples around you – do you see this???

Now he explains what the woman will do. He says that she will „reproach her husband for his ice-cold rational manner which stifles all life.“

Nevertheless: even if people are so different by nature, they are „made to complement each other, that through each other they may discover so much of what they’ve not known or sensed before. This is one purpose of marriage.“ (Page 37)

Tournier says that man and woman are „basically different“ and this is the reason, why they have „such great difficulty in understanding one another and such great need of one another for their growth.“ He mentiones that a man has a „theoretical mind while a woman has a more person-centered mind“ and that a woman „thinks of people, and in terms of people.“ (Page 38) When men gather together they „expound magnificent theories on the way the world should be governed and how universal peace (…) can be achieved. These theories are quite abstract, detached, and unrelated to the immediate situation.“(P.38)

So a man can learn from a woman and he can „aquire a feeling for persons. Civilisation built by men alone would remain abstract, cold, technical, and dehumanized. A woman thinks in detail, also. Details interest her more than general ideas. She has a need to tell all the day’s happenings, once she is with her husband.“ (P.39).

The man „needs to learn from his wife the importance of both concrete and personal details, without which general idas are no more than empty theories.“ (P.40)

Tournier points out the speech itself „has a different meaning for men than it has for women. Through speech men express ideas and communicate information. Women speack in order to express feelings, emotions. This explains why a wife will relate then times an experience she has lived. It is not to inform her husband.“ (P.40)

She „needs to tell it again in order to discharge emotional tension which the experience has built up in her heart. Many men never ebven get to express their feelings, to say the „I love you“ that the wife would like to hear a hundred times. She asks, „Do you love me?“ He replies, „You know that I do.“ It is not that she does not know. Rather, she would like to hear it expressed ever once more. This is the greater since her husband never says it to her. He expresses his feelings in other ways: a caress, a look, or even a rough kind of grunt.“ (P.40).

Tournier tells a story of a woman „who was suffering from just such a lack of ever hearing a tender word from the lips of her husband. One day she came to see me quite upset. Her husband, without even having warned her, had had the workmen come to refinish her living-room floor. The whole house was upset and dirty. This woman was irritated. I said to her, „Each person speaks in his own way! This is how your husband tells you that he loves you. Throw your arms around him if you can understand his language. Tell him how he must love you in order to go to such expenses to give you a more beautiful living room.“

This expample reminds me actually of what my husband did for me. He painted the kitchen, table, shelves…. : everything white (in lots and lots and lots of hours), because I love white furniture! He also planted once tulips for me, because I LOVE tulips. He planted 100 (!!!) tulips for me! Wow – he really must love me =) This is really amazing! THANKS!

life coaching, life, coaching, colouryourdream, purpose, marriage

Further Paul Tournier writes in his book, that in order to „understand each other, man and wife must take an interest in what interests the other, and come to understand why it interestes the other. A man will talk of his interest only when he senses genuine interest in another, and it is only when he talks of it that the other can understand better the character of that interest. In this way the horizon broadens for both partners, instead of steadily narrowing. Real understanding always brings with it a going beyond one’s self. Then can teh home serve as a foundation to one’s calling, and the calling can enrich in its turn the spiritual life of the home. The conflict from wich many couples suffer can be solved. Yet, the profound differences which separate men and women are found in the very thing which brings them together: love itself.“ (P.42&43)

Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier

Leave a comment »

Being in a hurry

life coaching,coaching,colouryourdream,life,purpose,dream,rush

 

Being in a hurry.

Getting to the next thing

without

fully entering the thing in front of me.

I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry.

But a thousand broken and missed things,

tens of thousands,

lie in the wake of all the rushing….

Through all that haste I thought I was making up time.

It turns out

I was throwing it away.” 

Ann Voskamp

 

??? What’s your experience???

Comments (2) »

To understand each other (Part 4)

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

How do we achieve understanding? Paul Tournier writes in his book*: „One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.

(…) Deep sharing is overwhelming, and very rare. A thousand fears keep us in check. First of all there is the fear of breaking down, of crying. There is especially the fear that the other will not sense the tremendous importance with which this memory or feeling is charged. How painful it is when such a difficult sharing falls flat, upon ears either preoccupied or mocking, ears in any case that do not sense the significance of what we’re saying.“ (P.28+29).

So what can happen next? Tournier points out that a partner who has spoken in a very personal way „without being understood falls back into terrible emotional solitude. He may become sick because of it. In such circumstances some will go to see their pastor or priest, others their doctor. They are simply seeking someone who can understand. In certain cases of therapy, the help of a doctor or of a man of God may be necessary. Often, however, a wife can bring the same help to her husband, or he to her, if the same painstaking care is exercised in listening as would be done by a pastor, priest, psychologist, or doctor. How beautiful, how grand and liberating this experience is when couples learn so to help each other. It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need men have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood.“ (P.29)

I think we can all learn to listen better! Some are better than others already. But each one of us can improve!

He says that a man, if he is alone „marks his time and becomes very set in his ways. In the demanding confrontation which marriage constitutes, he must ever go beyond himself, develop, grow up into maturity. When marriage is reduced to mere symbiosis of two persons essentially hidden from one another, peaceful though such life may sometimes be, it has completely missed its goal. Then it is not solely the marriage which has failed, but both husband and wife. They have failed in their calling as a man and a woman. To fail to understand one’s spouse is to fail to understand oneself. It is also a failure to grow and to fulfull one’s possibilities.“ (P.31)

What Tournier points out as very important is to face problems and not to avoid them.

What? Problems? Some couples might say: We never argue. But like Tournier says, there are „problems in every marriage“ and those „who make a success of their marriage are those who tackle their problems together and who overcome them. Those who lack the courage to do this are the ones whose marriage is a failure.“

It is the „differences in our characters, tastes, habits, prejudices, and convictions which oblige us to a greater effort to understand each other. These in turn lead to further growth in both of us.“ (P.33+34)

It takes courage he says to „face up to all the problems created by a complete adaptation of two personalities. People are very different one from another.“

And „to come to understand that one’s partner is very different – this already presupposes a great deal of personal growth.“ (P.35)

??? Can you relate to what the author is saying? Do you share his opinion? What do you experience in your marriage? Do you have any good tips for understanding the other better???

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

*Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier

Leave a comment »

%d bloggers like this: