Posts tagged God

To understand each other (Part 4)

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

How do we achieve understanding? Paul Tournier writes in his book*: „One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.

(…) Deep sharing is overwhelming, and very rare. A thousand fears keep us in check. First of all there is the fear of breaking down, of crying. There is especially the fear that the other will not sense the tremendous importance with which this memory or feeling is charged. How painful it is when such a difficult sharing falls flat, upon ears either preoccupied or mocking, ears in any case that do not sense the significance of what we’re saying.“ (P.28+29).

So what can happen next? Tournier points out that a partner who has spoken in a very personal way „without being understood falls back into terrible emotional solitude. He may become sick because of it. In such circumstances some will go to see their pastor or priest, others their doctor. They are simply seeking someone who can understand. In certain cases of therapy, the help of a doctor or of a man of God may be necessary. Often, however, a wife can bring the same help to her husband, or he to her, if the same painstaking care is exercised in listening as would be done by a pastor, priest, psychologist, or doctor. How beautiful, how grand and liberating this experience is when couples learn so to help each other. It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need men have to be really listened to, to be taken seriously, to be understood.“ (P.29)

I think we can all learn to listen better! Some are better than others already. But each one of us can improve!

He says that a man, if he is alone „marks his time and becomes very set in his ways. In the demanding confrontation which marriage constitutes, he must ever go beyond himself, develop, grow up into maturity. When marriage is reduced to mere symbiosis of two persons essentially hidden from one another, peaceful though such life may sometimes be, it has completely missed its goal. Then it is not solely the marriage which has failed, but both husband and wife. They have failed in their calling as a man and a woman. To fail to understand one’s spouse is to fail to understand oneself. It is also a failure to grow and to fulfull one’s possibilities.“ (P.31)

What Tournier points out as very important is to face problems and not to avoid them.

What? Problems? Some couples might say: We never argue. But like Tournier says, there are „problems in every marriage“ and those „who make a success of their marriage are those who tackle their problems together and who overcome them. Those who lack the courage to do this are the ones whose marriage is a failure.“

It is the „differences in our characters, tastes, habits, prejudices, and convictions which oblige us to a greater effort to understand each other. These in turn lead to further growth in both of us.“ (P.33+34)

It takes courage he says to „face up to all the problems created by a complete adaptation of two personalities. People are very different one from another.“

And „to come to understand that one’s partner is very different – this already presupposes a great deal of personal growth.“ (P.35)

??? Can you relate to what the author is saying? Do you share his opinion? What do you experience in your marriage? Do you have any good tips for understanding the other better???

————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

*Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier
Advertisements

Leave a comment »

One life to live

Last week I finished reading an e-book about people at the end of their lives: what they wanted to say before they die and what was important for them – also some things what they maybe never expressed to other people before.

Honestly – it was one of the most depressing book I have ever read. Almost all people in the book, who wrote their last words down didn’t believe in God and they did not believe that there will be a life after death.They thought, when they die, that’s it!

The book was „easy“ to read, but because it was so sad what I read, I could only read a few pages each day. It made me so sad!

Some people said, what they regret and what they would have done differently and some people where ok with the lives they lived and didn’t expect anything after death.

I think a lot about my life and about the purpose of life. When I was about 28 years, I wrote down in some sentences, what I would like that people say about me when I am not here on earth anymore. Or better: what would I like that people say about me on my 60th birthday.

When you write down these sentences it really shows: what is the most important for you here on earth? What do you want to be known for? What is your purpose in life?

A few years ago I read this sentence, what I wrote down when I was 28, every day – I did this for a few years. I want to start it again in 2014: because it puts right in front of your eyes: what is important for me today? What is the bigger picture here? What is important in my life? Then I don’t get caught up so much in the daily „sorrows“ and „problems“ or superficial things, but have the bigger picture in mind.

Yesterday I went to a contemporary gospel concert in Vienna and they where singing

songs that reminded me so much of my childhood and teenage years and the songs really touched my heart.

They where singing for example one song that I always loved so much: it is from Andrae Crouch: My tribute (To God be the glory).

This is also my desire: to honor God in all I do! To God be the glory!

 

The song expresses what I feel and what my desire is:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiB4SEgOkow

This song brings tears to my eyes, because I think of what Jesus Christ did for me on the cross and that he died for me in order that I might live!

I am very thankful that my parents lived a life that showed me for who it is worth living for: God – the Lord of my life!

I have one life to live and I think constantly: how can I live my life best for the glory of God! What is my calling?

What is your desire for your life? Do you know what your calling is?

Comments (9) »

Forgiveness

colouryourdream life coaching purpose in life God landscape photography dream

 

Who doesn’t want to have great relationships? A few days ago I read something that I believe is very true.

It is the key to great relationships.

 

“Forgiveness involves extending love and mercy to someone who has wronged you or hurt you. It clears the way to

reconciliation and restoration of a relationship. When we realise how much God has forgiven us and how great is

his mercy, we can more easily forgive those who hurt us and extend mercy to them. This is the key to great relationships.”

 

God’s mercy is new every morning and we can make a fresh, new start every single day. I think we can make a conscious decision,

not to hold a grudge against the other person but to forgive and make a new start – over and over again. I guess it is our own pride or hurt

if we don’t do it – or what do you think?

 

(Excerpt from the App:  Bible in one year, Nicky&Pippa Gumbel, excerpt from the daily commentary  October 29th )

Comments (7) »

How did my dreams come true (Part 3)

Colouryourdream Purpose Dream Goal Life Challenge

 

After my practical year at the bible school (post part 1) and after studying to be teacher (post part 2) I finally started to work as a teacher. I moved from South Germany – the so called “three country corner” – Germany (South Black Forest), Switzerland and France to the west of Germany – the southern “Rhurgebiet”.

I didn’t have much time to move and prepare for my 1st grade. Usually teachers have 6 weeks summer vacation. But because I moved from the southern part of Germany to the west of Germany – where they have different vacation times – I had 2 weeks off, instead of 6 weeks. So I had to move and settle in and prepare for my first 1st grade with 28 kids. My first workplace! Wow! I was responsible for 28 “little 6 year old kids” – what a responsibility.

I packed my stuff and went with my little red car (my first own car – a little red Peugeot 106!). My dad always had Peugeots (French cars), so it was obvious for me to have a Peugeot as well. The Peugeot company was founded in 1810, and manufactured coffee mills and bicyles. They also produce spice mills (have a look at your pepper mill – maybe its from Peugeot =)

I packed my small red car with my personal belongings. My dad drove with his car  in front of my mother and I in my red car.

We had to drive 5 ½ hours to my new residence. I talked about different topics with my mum and suddenly I said: I am glad I never had an accident! Then my mum told me how my dad and her had an accident when they just were engaged.

I think it was about half an hour later on the freeway – behind a curve there was a traffic jam. I was breaking very hard and meanwhile a motorcyle crashed into my car from behind. I was driving on the right lane on the freeway and was dashed to the left side and my car turned 180 degrees. The whole freeway was blocked inner seconds and very soon two huge ambulances where there because it looked like a very big accident. The ambulance guy asked me: Do you have a shock? I said: “I don’t think so……”

To make a long story short: NOTHING happened to me and my mum – I didn’t even have a whiplash. The guy on the motorcycle was also ok and had just minor injuries – thanks be to God!  God protected us in such an amazing way that even my big mirror wasn’t broken! But my car was a total write-off!

The tow-car came to pick up my car, my mother and I and we got  another car that I could use for two weeks. So we moved all my belongings – including the mirror – in the other car and drove safely to my new rented flat.

My dad and my sister were already there waiting for us. We sat down and thanked our LORD that he protected us in a miraculous way! When I think of the whole story I still get goosebumps and tears in my eyes.

Well – the start into my “dream-job” as a teacher was quite tough! But through all this I had so much help – even right away from my neighbour who was a lawyer and helped me to deal with the accident!

Because of  the accident I didn’t have much time to prepare for school. I was so busy organizing everything  (lawyer, insurance, new car…).

The evening before my first lesson at school my sister called me and asked me: so what are you going to do tomorrow with your first grade? I said: I don’t know yet. I was so glad that she gave me some ideas and I worked in the night to get everything ready and the first lesson with my gorgeous first graders went well!  We had a big celebration with the whole school and the parents. Then I had my first lesson with the kids and then the photographer took a nice photo!

When I look back I think: wow – what a challenging start in my first job! But with God and the help of my family and neighbours I managed my first weeks at school!

And: my dad found a “new” little car for me – of course a Peugeot! How he found this car is another story =)

So my second car was not red, but green this time – and guess what? I still drive this car!! It is now 18 years old! Amazing!

In my first year of working as a teacher there were a lot of challenges: I almost “went to heaven”  – said the doctor. This is another story in itself. But through God’s grace I am still alive! I guess he still wanted me here on earth for a reason! To live out his calling for my life, to love him and to love others.

 ??? What challenges did you have in your life??? What dreams came true in your life???

Comments (17) »

How did my dreams come true? (Part 1)

colouryourdream purpose dream goal landscape photography

I had many dreams in my life and I never stopped having dreams.

Here are some of my dreams I had: I wanted to become a teacher, a fulltime youth worker, a stewardess and a life coach.

Which dream came true in my life? All – so far!

When I look back I think: how in the world did I manage to do all these things? I could have never done it out of my own strenght and just by myself! There were many people along the way who helped and supported me and who believed in me! And the most important thing: God was in there! He guided me through all the processes. When you reached the dream: it is the best thing ever! But the steps to reaching the dream aren’t that easy and there is a lot of discouragement along the way as well. It is very hard work and you also have to say NO to many things. You just don’t have time anymore to talk endless hours to your friends or spend the weekends just enjoying yourself. It is hard work. BUT: it is worth it!

I am very thankful when I look back! The things I did and experienced in my life so far couln’t have happened without the support of my lovely family! They really helped me to live out my dream.

My parents supported and encouraged me. They said: if you really know that this is what God wants you to do: go for it! They believed in me and helped me a lot. We were always very busy – our whole family (my parents and my three sisters): caring for education and working hard. My mum stayed at home and supported us in a tremendous way. She is really amazing and not selfish at all! She was always happy when we were happy. She abdicated from so many things she could have done by herself, but instead she supported us wherever she could with her whole strength! Also my dad! As a leader of a mission he had so much going on and so much work to do. But he always spent time with us even if he had to work then in the night preparing for bible studies, sermons and many other things.

What I want to say with this. My dreams came true with the incredible help of my parents and also my sisters. The support of a loving family or loving people who believe in you is so important in reaching a dream

I can honestly say: my mum really stepped back so that her kids can live out their dreams that they can live out their God given potential. She encouraged us and was always there for us and cared for us at home. And when I look back now I think: how in the world did she do this? I am so selfish compared to her.

After 13 years of school in the german school system I decided to do a “practical year” before my studies. My parents supported me strongly in this and said that it would be such a good opportunity to spend one year doing practical work.

So I went to a bible school where people studied theology or do a practical year like I did. This community is called “Lebenszentrum Adelshofen”.

The Lebenszentrum is an interdenominational, evangelical centre of Christian learning and living that serves the Christian Church. It is an order of 22 celibatarian sisters and 9 celibatarian brothers who run the Lebenszentrum as institution together with several married and single staff members.

“Through our prayer and worship times and daily sharing of our lives with students and guests we wish to exemplify Christian love and fellowship and provide an environment where Christians can grow in love and knowledge of God.

As groups and teams of the Lebenszentrum we reach out to share the Gospel and help churches in their ministry to people in need” (http://www.lza.de/english.htm)

What did I do there for one year? I attended a one year discipleship program for young christians 18-24 years ( I was 19 years at this time).

It involved the following:

Share life:

build relationships, talk with each other, be active, , music, play, celebrate together, be creative, take responsibilty, solve conflicts, sports, be „on the way“

Work together

discover your gifts, train your skills, learn new things, work practical: working on site, in the garden, in the kitchen, at the reception, in the service, repair cars…

Encounter God

in your personal time with God, devotion time with others, worship, in community, in answer to prayer, on the move with Jesus, e.g. in the youth group, on the street, in the houses for asylum seekers …….

Grow in your personality

live out discipleship in the daily life, one day a week lesson on different topics, e.g. your calling, communication and conflicts, discover your gifts, prepare bible studies, attend a class in the theological seminar, learing to play guitar, singing in the choir…

I worked one year mainly in the laundry: washing clothes for all the 130 people and ironing clothes (blouses, skirts and pants for the community). I think I broke the record in ironing a blouse the fastest =) Sometimes I also had the opportunity to play piano and sing with a group of people. They had big meetings once in a while with around 1000 people and a program with music, plays and preaching sermons.

This was probably the best year I ever had in my life! I learned so many things, I met so many people, I grew in my faith!

What was unique in this community: they prayed about everything! If food was missing, they prayed that God will provide it. If there was any problem, they prayed for it! Big or small – they prayed for everything and knew that God will listen and will answer in his own way!

Every Saturday we had an hour with the whole community together: 130 people. We met in the chapel in the house. This “hour” was called: hour of praise&gratitude.

In this hour we sang songs, we prayed and we told each other what God has done during the week, how he blessed us, how he answered prayers, what we experienced with HIM during the week.

It was an amazing “hour” of praise to God! Nothing was too small not be not told. It was not the “big” miracles that happened (although there were definitely some), but it was more the “small” things in the daily life, e.g. a computer didn’t work and there was no money to fix it and a person prayed for it and the computer worked again or God send a person out of the blue to fix it, or there was a big meeting coming up with 1000 people and they needed potatoes for a salad and God send a farmer to give them potatoes. They never told people what they needed, instead they asked God – their provider for everything. They had such a trust in God! I am so glad I learned already in my family how to trust in the LORD and also how to pray also for little things and during this year I practised it even more. They were such a positive example for me these peopel in the community. Simply amazing!

During this practical year we had this weekly “hour of praise&gratitude” – this was the one of the highlights during the week for everyone. We heard so many stories how God helped in the daily life and how he worked in our lives. To see that we don’t serve a “dead” God, but a living God who cares for the “little” and the “big” things of his children. And also to know: he has the overview over everything! It is not our way – how we want it, but HIS way!

It is so good not to concentrate on our problems, but to concentrate on our great God, who cares for us and loves us! Shouldn’t we give thanks to him more often?

I know that I for sure should! I really try to practise it more and more in my daily life!

 ??? Did you have a dream and this dream came true??? How???

In my next posts I will keep on writing about how my dreams came true!

This practical year at this christian community was a beautiful preparation for my whole life! I am very very thankful for this year and for all the people who invested in me during this time! God bless them richly for this! They invest their time in young people that they can live out their dreams and purpose for the glory of God

Comments (13) »

Talents

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Rose                    (c) colouryourdream

Just read this quote today and thought: Oh yes! This my big wish: to use the talents God gave me. Often I see so many opportunities what I could do: but I only want to do what God wants me to do and I want to use all the talents God entrusted to me.

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.” ~Erma Bombeck

Comments (1) »

My personality

colouryourdream purpose goal life personality photography carpet

In one of my last posts I wrote that I like the topic: personality. It’s so interesting for me. And since about 20 years I am reading about this topic and I constantly discover something more about me and also others. When you know yourself better it is easier to “understand” why you act sometimes a certain way or how and in which areas you can grow.

One thing I read recently about my “personality type” according to Myers Briggs is totally true:

My personality type is motivated in everything that I do by a desire to understand the world around me. I am constantly searching about, mentally and physically, for input that will help me to better understand the Big Picture.

Also this “type of personality” often feels different from others and they feel like they don’t fit in, and can’t find the place where they belong in the world.

When I read this I thought: yes, that’s me. I really want to understand the world around me and see the big picture and often I just don’t see the big picture yet and this stresses me out.
But as a christian I have an advantage: it’s good that I can put my trust in God, because HE knows the big picture already! I often think of a woven carpet. I only see the bottom side of the carpet – there are a lot of different stitches and it doesn’t look that good and interwoven. But when you turn the carpet around it looks beautiful. I only see the bottom side of the carpet and not the “big picture” – but in the end when I look back I see the right side – a beautifully woven carpet. That is how God sees my life already, even when I only see the bottom side right now.

I am asking God in every stage of my life: Where do I belong? Where do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? It’s my prayer to do what’s best for me – what God thinks where I fit in perfectly. Even when I feel (from my personality type) that I don’t fit in sometimes I know that I fit in wherever God puts me! And for this I am praying constantly to find out where God wants me to be and what God wants me to do for his glory.

Comments (2) »

%d bloggers like this: