Posts tagged christian

To understand each other (Part 2)

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

Here comes the continuation of my summary of the book „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier.

I think the author has some interesting and valid points – I think: I am not even married one year, so I am looking forward to read your comments =)

I try to excerpt the most important viewpoints here.

The first condition for mutual understanding is the „desire“ for understanding.

Tournier describes a couple where the wife was „suffering because the husband did not pay attention to her.“ He says that this couple was „one of many“, where „gradually man and wife have grown apart without there ever having taken place any serious conflict.“ Tournier mentions that there are many couples which „live side by side, without hurting one another, but poles apart because of no real understanding of one another.“ He says that there is „an important difference between degrees of understanding. Many people live for years together without deep understanding, without even seeking it. This we see in outstanding, cultured, intelligent families, people of the very highest order, learned men, even professors of psychology.“

Tournier mentions that the so-called “emotional incompatibility is a myth.” “There are misunderstandings and mistakes, however, which can be corrected where there is the willingness to do so.

He points out that the most frequent fault seems to him the “lack of complete frankness.” He sees many couples and he discovers behind their difficulties this “lack of mutual openness, a loyal and total openness to one another without which there can be no real understanding. A couple who are courageous enough always to say everything will without doubt go through many upsets, but they will be able to build an ever more successful marriage.”

He says that many couples “no longer realize, that they are hiding a part of their real feelings from each other, a part of their ideas, convictions, and personal reactions.“

And then he points out that many couples „put aside certain subjects“ in order to have peace, but these subjects are most important for their „coming to a true mutual understanding.“ So „they are starting to become strangers to one another…“

In the bibel we read, that when a woman and a man marries „they shall no longer be two, but one. And what does it mean to be one? Obviously „not to have secrets from each other. As soon as a couple begin to hide matters from one another they compromise the basic openess of marital life. They start off on the road to failure. This is true even if it is done out of the best intentions, or even if it is a very good thing that is hidden.“

 

???I think Tourniers points are very interesting and I would be interested to hear from experienced couples (I am only married for a few months now, so I am not that experienced): Do you think Tournier has a valid point? What is your experience with understanding the partner???

 

Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier

 

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Understanding each other

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

Lately I read a little book about marriage. I saw so many different couples in my life and thought a lot about this topic. It is so sad, that so many marriages fail and the question is why?

I thank God that I grew up in a very stable family environment, with loving parents and sisters. In my surrounding I never really experienced marriage breakups, this was quite foreign for me. Nowadays it is so sad to see so many couples break up.

So I thought I write in the next posts about a book from a Swiss physician (Paul Tournier), who made a significant contribution to understanding of psychiatry and its relation to the Christian faith.

On the spine of his book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier  you can read the following:

He writes that the „major problem is „to understand each other.“ He says: „When we talk of marriage counseling we think immideately of the extreme cases, of threats to seek divorce, of couples in violent disputes who frequently come to blows.“ But there are many other couples whose marriages are no less a failure. „They live side by side, without hurting one another, but poles apart, because of no real understanding of one another.“ Courship’s complete frankness has given way to superficial exchanges of information. The husband and wife fail to realize that they are hiding part of their real feelings from each other.

Paul Tournier says, that he sees many couple and „behind their difficulties I always discover a lack of mutual openness, a loyal and total openness to one another without which there can be no real understanding.“ And the ability to understand each other is what counts in working out marital happiness together. In his book: „To understand each other – classic wisdom on marriage“ he suggests ways to achieve this understanding.“

My next post will contain excerpts of his book. 

??? What did you experience with this topic so far???

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Inspirational Easter story

Last week we celebrated Easter – Jesus rose from the dead! What a joy!

When I worked as  a teacher, I told the kids why we celebrate Easter: Jesus died on the cross for our sins and he rose from the dead. Only through the death of Jesus Christ we have the possibility to connect with God. Before this there was a huge gap between God and us. But Jesus’ death on the cross made it possible for us to connect with God. But God gave us free will: it is up to us to decide, whether we want to accept his forgiveness for us personally or not. He doesn’t force anybody to come to him and accept his love and forgiveness.

For me it is amazing: Jesus’ loves me so much that he died for my sins, so that I might live! I have accepted this gift many, many years ago and for me it is the most precious gift I have ever received.

In the bible it sais in John 3,16:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Today I was reading a beautiful inspirational story about a boy. It reminded me of the children I taught at school. They can teach you so many things. I love the spontaneity of children and their beautiful thoughts.

Colouryourdream coaching Easter Life Hope Jesus Christ

Jeremy was born with a twisted body, a slow mind, and a chronic, terminal illness that had been slowly killing him all his young life. Still, his parents had tried to give him as normal a life as possible and had sent him to St. Theresa’s Elementary School.

At the age of 12, Jeremy was only in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher. One day, she called his parents and asked them to come to St. Teresa’s for a consultation.

As the Forresters sat quietly in the empty classroom, Doris said to them, “Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn’t fair to him to be with younger children who don’t have learning problems. Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students!”

Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue while her husband spoke. “Miss Miller,” he said, “there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here.”

Doris sat for a long time after they left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn’t fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying?

As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. “Oh God,” she said aloud, “here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared with that poor family! Please help me to be more patient with Jeremy.”

From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy’s noises and his blank stares. Then one day he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him.

“I love you, Miss Miller,” he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris’s face turned red. She stammered, “Wh-why, that’s very nice, Jeremy. Now please take your seat.”

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. “Now,” she said to them, “I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Miss Miller!” the children responded enthusiastically — all except for Jeremy. He just listened intently, his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus^ death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris’s kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy’s parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller’s desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs.

In the first egg, Doris found a flower. “Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life,” she said. “When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here.”

A small girl in the first row waved her arms. “That’s my egg, Miss Miller,” she called out.

The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. “We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that is new life, too”

Little Judy smiled proudly and said, “Miss Miller, that one is mine!”

Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom. “My daddy helped me!” he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty! Surely it must be Jeremy’s, she thought, and, of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly Jeremy spoke up. “Miss Miller, aren’t you going to talk about my egg?”

Flustered, Doris replied, “But Jeremy — your egg is empty!”

He looked into here eyes and said softly, “Yes, but Jesus^ tomb was empty too!”

Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, “Do you know why the tomb was empty?”

“Oh, yes!” Jeremy exclaimed. “Jesus was killed and put in there. Then his Father raised him up!”

The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.

May the Easter Eggs of all your friends and family be empty, too. 

(-Author unknown - please comment if you know the author so credit can be given)

Jesus said:

“I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”

John 11,25

??? What does Easter mean for you???

Colouryourdream Coaching Easter Life Hope Jesus Christ (2)

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How did my dreams come true (Part 3)

Colouryourdream Purpose Dream Goal Life Challenge

 

After my practical year at the bible school (post part 1) and after studying to be teacher (post part 2) I finally started to work as a teacher. I moved from South Germany – the so called “three country corner” – Germany (South Black Forest), Switzerland and France to the west of Germany – the southern “Rhurgebiet”.

I didn’t have much time to move and prepare for my 1st grade. Usually teachers have 6 weeks summer vacation. But because I moved from the southern part of Germany to the west of Germany – where they have different vacation times – I had 2 weeks off, instead of 6 weeks. So I had to move and settle in and prepare for my first 1st grade with 28 kids. My first workplace! Wow! I was responsible for 28 “little 6 year old kids” – what a responsibility.

I packed my stuff and went with my little red car (my first own car – a little red Peugeot 106!). My dad always had Peugeots (French cars), so it was obvious for me to have a Peugeot as well. The Peugeot company was founded in 1810, and manufactured coffee mills and bicyles. They also produce spice mills (have a look at your pepper mill – maybe its from Peugeot =)

I packed my small red car with my personal belongings. My dad drove with his car  in front of my mother and I in my red car.

We had to drive 5 ½ hours to my new residence. I talked about different topics with my mum and suddenly I said: I am glad I never had an accident! Then my mum told me how my dad and her had an accident when they just were engaged.

I think it was about half an hour later on the freeway – behind a curve there was a traffic jam. I was breaking very hard and meanwhile a motorcyle crashed into my car from behind. I was driving on the right lane on the freeway and was dashed to the left side and my car turned 180 degrees. The whole freeway was blocked inner seconds and very soon two huge ambulances where there because it looked like a very big accident. The ambulance guy asked me: Do you have a shock? I said: “I don’t think so……”

To make a long story short: NOTHING happened to me and my mum – I didn’t even have a whiplash. The guy on the motorcycle was also ok and had just minor injuries – thanks be to God!  God protected us in such an amazing way that even my big mirror wasn’t broken! But my car was a total write-off!

The tow-car came to pick up my car, my mother and I and we got  another car that I could use for two weeks. So we moved all my belongings – including the mirror – in the other car and drove safely to my new rented flat.

My dad and my sister were already there waiting for us. We sat down and thanked our LORD that he protected us in a miraculous way! When I think of the whole story I still get goosebumps and tears in my eyes.

Well – the start into my “dream-job” as a teacher was quite tough! But through all this I had so much help – even right away from my neighbour who was a lawyer and helped me to deal with the accident!

Because of  the accident I didn’t have much time to prepare for school. I was so busy organizing everything  (lawyer, insurance, new car…).

The evening before my first lesson at school my sister called me and asked me: so what are you going to do tomorrow with your first grade? I said: I don’t know yet. I was so glad that she gave me some ideas and I worked in the night to get everything ready and the first lesson with my gorgeous first graders went well!  We had a big celebration with the whole school and the parents. Then I had my first lesson with the kids and then the photographer took a nice photo!

When I look back I think: wow – what a challenging start in my first job! But with God and the help of my family and neighbours I managed my first weeks at school!

And: my dad found a “new” little car for me – of course a Peugeot! How he found this car is another story =)

So my second car was not red, but green this time – and guess what? I still drive this car!! It is now 18 years old! Amazing!

In my first year of working as a teacher there were a lot of challenges: I almost “went to heaven”  – said the doctor. This is another story in itself. But through God’s grace I am still alive! I guess he still wanted me here on earth for a reason! To live out his calling for my life, to love him and to love others.

 ??? What challenges did you have in your life??? What dreams came true in your life???

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Talents

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Rose                    (c) colouryourdream

Just read this quote today and thought: Oh yes! This my big wish: to use the talents God gave me. Often I see so many opportunities what I could do: but I only want to do what God wants me to do and I want to use all the talents God entrusted to me.

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me.” ~Erma Bombeck

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My personality

colouryourdream purpose goal life personality photography carpet

In one of my last posts I wrote that I like the topic: personality. It’s so interesting for me. And since about 20 years I am reading about this topic and I constantly discover something more about me and also others. When you know yourself better it is easier to “understand” why you act sometimes a certain way or how and in which areas you can grow.

One thing I read recently about my “personality type” according to Myers Briggs is totally true:

My personality type is motivated in everything that I do by a desire to understand the world around me. I am constantly searching about, mentally and physically, for input that will help me to better understand the Big Picture.

Also this “type of personality” often feels different from others and they feel like they don’t fit in, and can’t find the place where they belong in the world.

When I read this I thought: yes, that’s me. I really want to understand the world around me and see the big picture and often I just don’t see the big picture yet and this stresses me out.
But as a christian I have an advantage: it’s good that I can put my trust in God, because HE knows the big picture already! I often think of a woven carpet. I only see the bottom side of the carpet – there are a lot of different stitches and it doesn’t look that good and interwoven. But when you turn the carpet around it looks beautiful. I only see the bottom side of the carpet and not the “big picture” – but in the end when I look back I see the right side – a beautifully woven carpet. That is how God sees my life already, even when I only see the bottom side right now.

I am asking God in every stage of my life: Where do I belong? Where do you want me to be? What do you want me to do? It’s my prayer to do what’s best for me – what God thinks where I fit in perfectly. Even when I feel (from my personality type) that I don’t fit in sometimes I know that I fit in wherever God puts me! And for this I am praying constantly to find out where God wants me to be and what God wants me to do for his glory.

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The Lord bless you and keep you

see my last lines on my post December 21th.

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