Emotional intelligence and flight experiences

Colouryourdream Purpose Goal Dream Emotional Intelligence Plane Airport

As I mentioned earlier before, I am reading an E-book on Emotional intelligence – a dear friend gave it to me, for which I am very thankful: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.
I will write here a few things what I was reading yesterday on my 35 hour trip =)

Right now I am reading my E-book on Emotional intelligence – a dear friend gave it to me, for which I am very thankful: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.
I will write here a few things what I was reading yesterday on my 35 hour trip =)

Some people think that personality and emotional intelligence is the same – but it’t not!

Our personality and our IQ is more or less “fixed”, e.g. if we are extroverted we are unlikely to become introverted.
But our emotional intelligence is not “fixed”, we are are able to enhance our emotional intelligence.
They found out that the people who are “most successful in their marriages have a particular profile that is more effectual than those who haven’t been able to make their marriage work.” (P.25)

The writers of this book say that in their seminars there are often people who don’t like the word “emotion”. “We are often confronted by disbelievers who make the obligatory crack about “hugging one another” or “women style” taking over the workplace, if not the entire world.
But they say that “often they settle down and start to both listen and learn. These individuals are almost always male. Men are far more apt to denigrate the importance of emotional intelligence – perhaps because of a lingering suspicion that they’re more emotionally challenged. Soon, what the doubter had previously dismissed as intangible or airy-fairy will become solid and clear (…).” (P.27)

What I like is the fact, that we can grow in our emotional intelligence. There is hope =) for each one of us! But the requirement for this is, that you are willing to change. These changes will not come easily, because old habits and behavior are “like old clothes – comfortable, broken-in, reassuring, and predictable. Building unfamiliar skills requires awareness, dedication, and practice on your part.”(P.31)

When you travel a lot with the plane, you know that a lot can go wrong. And in situations like this you really can see if a person has a lot emotional intelligence or not.
I experience this in my work life a lot – so many different people from different background and different countries: How people deal with the same situation – very different depending on the EQ (Emotional Quotient).

I just read read the example of 2 guys at an airport – this reminds me of my day yesterday when I wasn’t able to get on my flight and I needed a quick solution. I was “dependend” on the lady sitting behind the ticket counter!
I want to write here in a short version the scene which I read in the book I mentioned above. And believe me: yesterdey there was a man at the ticket counter similar to this man in the example of the book.

Imagine this: big airport, many passengers waiting for the call to board the plane.
Then the announcement: flight cancelled due to mechanical difficulties.

Two guys, similar important meeting to go, two different reactions:

Guy 1: He is in a rage, it’s a disaster for him, he is out of control (I’ll never fly with you again! You’re incompetent and (….).” He insults and intimidates the ticket agent.
 this guy is “unaccustomed to paying attention to his internal state. He has absolutely no idea how angry he is, even though the people around him can see that he’s ready to explode. He’s incapable of recognizing his feelings, let alone controlling them. His anger makes it impossible for him to think clearly or to act in his own best interest.” (P. 34)
And he reacts not only in this situation like this but also in his personal life.

Guy 2: his position is no less difficult than guy ones situation. But he knows that he must keep cool. He begins to “reflect on other, equally dire situations he has experienced.(…) He spends a minute or so analyzing his predicament, always aware of how he’s feeling. He tells himself to remain calm. There has to be a solution, if only he keeps his head. He can’t quite stem his anxiety, but he pays attention to and understands thoughts that creep in from the edges of his consciousness.
When he reaches the ticket counter, he’s prepared.” (P. 35)
And he sais to the ticket agent that it must be hard for her to deal with all these people and that he feels bad for her what she has to put up with.

The story shows how different people can react and it covers almost every component of emotional intelligence: self awareness, empathy, impulse control, optimism. (P. 36).

Yesterday I had all reasons to react like Guy 1:

– the plane was full so I couln’t fly
– the lady at the ticket counter helped me
– my luggage wasn’t there
– after 30 hours of travelling 1 hour delay due to technical issues

It’s so good to be aware of the feelings and to stay calm. In my case I knew that God has everything in his hand and that there will be a solution – so I stayed calm.
Thanks also to all the people who prayed for my exciting trip! I was amazed how everything worked out in the end! A miraculous trip!

???What about your flight experiences???

(quotes and content from: E-Book: The IQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and your success; 3rd Edition, Steven J. Stein, Ph.D., Howard E.Book, M.D.

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Deb said,

    Tabea, I can’t imagine you ever being guy one and taking out your frustration aggressively at someone. I believe you have great EQ and would understand that the most effective way to communicate to the person (who is there to help you) is in a calm manner. You proved that!
    I am sure the way we respond to people will set them up emotionally to deal with the next person too. If we react negatively and aggressively, the lady behind the ticket counter might be defensive to the next person and so on. I don’t believe being aggressive is being assertive, but maybe some people do? Personally, I am sure people are more open and able to solve problems if approached nicely.
    Great post Tabea! You get me thinking and help me be more aware of my own actions and behaviour.


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