Posts tagged Emotions

Your emotions effect others

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How does it effect you when others around you are in a bad mood, say bad words or just look bored? I think some people literally “take” the emotions of others on themselves, it effects them a lot how other people behave. Some people seem to not care at all and they live in their own world and for them it’s not a “big deal” how others react and show their emotions.

Have you noticed that you impact others with your behavior?

Emotions are the primary drivers of your behavior. It’s important you understand the effect they have on the people around you. To observe the ripple effects from your emotions, watch the immediate impact in other people’s faces or behavior or ask them how they are affected by your emotions.”

I think very sensitive people “feel” the emotions of other people and it has an effect on them. Watch yourself how the behavior of others effect you and how your behavior effects others.

??? What’s your experience ???

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #2)

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Emotional ability

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Do you sometimtes honestly express to others how you feel? How do they react? Are they understanding or do they say: „Oh, it’s not that bad’, „Oh, I experienced much harder things“, „Oh, don’t be like this“, „Oh, why do you cry“?

Lean into your own discomfort and take a moment to acknowledge, not stifle or change other people’s feelings. You don’t have to agree with the way people are feeling, but you do have to recognize those feelings as legitimate and respect them. If you’re known for being terrible with relationships, then this may be a great place to start getting better.“

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #59)

I exprienced both type of people – but fortunately more the understanding ones, those who understand or really try to understand how a person is feeling. I think this has to do with being able to empathize, with emotional intelligence, how you grew up – what kind of role models you had – were they understanding or not? Did they share their feelings or just „swallowed“ everything?

I think some people can’t really „feel“ (empathize) with you, because they don’t want to be challenged in their „own world“. They don’t want to deal with feelings, just with facts. I think that people who don’t reflect on how they feel, they store up all kinds of feelings inside and one day it will all come up to the surface, e.g. in form of anger, or nasty words, blame.

If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.“ (Daniel Goleman)

??? I would love to hear from you what you think about this post? What experiences do you have with this???

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Our emotions

 

 

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When we negate, deny, or disown our emotions we might find ourselves blowing up or ‘going off’ on others with little or no provocation. We can only repress our feelings for so long. Eventually, they will demand to be heard. When we pay attention to our emotions and not judge them as irrational and therefore unacceptable, we can begin to receive the gift of insight that our feelings offer.“

??? Do you have any expriences with this – with yourself or others???

(Quote from: Jeanine Austin)

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Make good decisions

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How do you make decisions? Do you decide spontaneously? Or do you think first? Or both?

In my case: I do both, depending on the consequences of a decision. Sometimes I tend to think too long and sometimes I take a decision too quick. But I am getting better and better in making good decisions!

I think everyone takes emotional decisions once in a while. Some more often than others. But it is good to think things through. Ro me, prayer is also very important to make right decisions.

Here is a quote I read lately:

„The only way to ensure that you have the right space to make good decisions is to set aside some time in your schedule for problem solving. Just keep it simple. A 15-minute period each day where you turn off your phone, walk away from your computer, and take time to just think, is a great way to ensure your decisions aren’t muddled by your emotions.“

??? How to you make decisions? What helps you?

Looking forward to hearing from you what other ideas you have for making good decisions???

( Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy # 23)

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Inner power

Three weeks ago I moved basically to the other end of the world. While packing some personal things, I found a little notebook with some notes I made a few years ago. I wrote down some points which I read in a book* and I came to the conclusion to keep this notebook. Because the author points out some interesting things I think it’s worth sharing here on the blog.

Why are some people stronger than others?

Inner power, inner strength makes all the difference in those who are secure. Secure in their social interactions with others – secure within themselves.“

Jane Lind says that power means being filled up and a lack of power is emtiness and having no strength.

Inner power comes from feeling loved. Those who have been filled with the power of love are powerful and have little need to struggle for power.Without inner power, there can be no inner peace.

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The more powerless we feel, the more we will struggle. And the more we struggle, the less we will have peace within. Whether the problem is a struggle within ourselves (e.g. problem with weight) or whether the problem is an exchange with another person.“

The author tells a story about a guy: „One would never know from looking at him on the outside that anything was wrong. I don’t understand why I have always felt something was missing. Although Tom’s parents had given him everything he could want in material, they had not given him the inner power that only comes from being loved. Tom went along trying to earn, trying to earn love, trying to be filled up.

On the other hand Jane Lind describes a girl/ woman who experienced following:

Maria grew up in a poor section. She had to resist drugs and crime and worked long hours after school. She had never known her father. Maria was born to a teenage mother. But Maria had inner peace. Maria was happy, cheerful, warm and loving. Maria was given consistent love and acceptance by her mother. Maria was powerful.

We start our life as empty vessels. We need to be charged like a battery. We can be charged with positive power or negative power or a mixture of both.

If we are not filled with positive power as a child or do not find, later in life, a person who loves us enough to fill us with the inner power of love and/ or do not experience the love of God through Christ, then we may feel empty or we may fill ourselves with negative power.

Love is positive power. Without love, we feel powerless, empty of power.

We need God’s love, but we also need love from others. We each, individuallyneed to receive love from at least one other human being.

Unless this love is received, it will not help. Love may be there, being offered, but often, because someone doesn’t feel worthy and/ or cannot believe that anyone would love him or her, and therefore is not open to accepting this love, it will not be received. There are those with personality problems, emotional and mental illness, who put up barriers to receiving love, even that which comes from God. There are those who have built up a defence and let not anyone love them.

Whether we are powerful or not, award titles and money do not make a lasting impression in terms of inner peace and strength. After attaining these, we very often still feel power empty.

Someone, not something, must give us love. Objects and positions alone are not enough to make us powerful.“

My notes end here and I forgot, if I put the book in my boxes I sent to my new home, or if I left the book behind.

When I think of the many people I met all over the world, I think it’s true what Jane Lind is saying in her book.

???Think about people you know or think about your own life. What did you experience? Do you think that the thoughts are valid?

* Book: Powerdigm, Jane Lind (1998)

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Timing…

 

 

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Lately I am very busy, and I only post very short posts, but in a few months I try to do it more frequently again.

I read a quote lately which is very helpful for me:

“When dealing with people and their emotions, timing really is everything. You don’t ask for a favor when someone is angry or correct someone who feels threatened by you. To practice your timing with others, ask the right questions at the right time with the right frame of mind, all with your audience in mind.” (Strategy #35,in the book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, )

I guess I have to learn a lot finding the right timing when to talk and to be silent when it it not the right timing yet to talk!

It would be interesting to know what you think about this quote and how you deal or dealt with it so far!?

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How can you resolve conflict in a positive way?

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Do you know any person, who never has a conflict to resolve or a disagreement?

I think conflict and disagreement belong to our lives, but the question is: how do we resolve conflict? Do we resolve it in a negative or positive way?
How can we handle emotionally-charged situations and defuse them before they escalate?
It is common that people have different opinions, expectations and needs. But this is not a bad thing. It is possible to resolve a conflict in a healthy and constructive way.
When you feel threatened or punished by a conflict, this can create negative feelings.
But when a conflict isn’t perceived as “threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.”
One skill of emotional intelligence is the ability to manage conflicts in a “positive, trust-building way.”
How can you resolve a conflict in a trust-building way?

– Choose your arguments: Think first – is it worth arguing about it or not? If you want to resolve the conflict in a positive way, you need time and energy for your arguments

– Stay focused in the present: don’t hold on to old hurts and resentments. Recognize the reality of the current situation and view it as a “new opportunity for resolving old feelings about conflicts.”

– end conflicts that cannot be resolved: you need two people to “keep an argument going. You can choose to disengage from a conflict, even if you still disagree.”

– Forgive: people have hurt you in the past – but this is the past If you want to resolve conflict, you need to “give up the urge to punish or seek revenge”

??? How do you resolve conflict??? I would be interested in knowing how you deal with conflict and what you experienced with it???

(Quotes from website: www.helpguide.org, Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Melinda Smith, M.A.)

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