Resolutions for 2015? How do you succeed? Why do you fail?

life coaching, colouryourdream,coaching, life, purpose, goal, 2015

One of my resolutions this year is to read through the Bible in one year. I do this with an APP (BiOY), where Nicky Gumbel (a Vicar from England) puts readings together from the Old and New Testament and then he writes a very good (in my opinion) explanation about these chapters and how we can apply them in our daily life.

January 1 he wrote: “ I belong to a squash club that is also a gym. Each year on 1 January they bring in extra gym equipment. The place is packed out. By about 7 January, they move out all the extra equipment as most people have given up their New Year’s resolution and the club returns to normal!” *

Today is the 7th January. Have you already given up on your New Year’s resolution? Or don’t you even bother making a resolution, because it never works?

Why do you give up and why does nothing really changes – even if you want it so badly?

Dr. W. Edwards Deming says: “Nothing changes without personal transformation.”

I guess this is the key!

Most people’s tendency is to try and manipulate their environment, e.g. they change jobs, friends, spouses… But the real answer is not the external, but the internal. Personal transformation will lead to a transformation in other areas of your life.

Some people are not intentional in their personal development and that is why they grow very little. The people who focus on personal development grow rapidly, e.g. socially, in their marriage, in character, spiritually, in their physical fitness and health, in service to others…

That’s why I love coaching so much, it focuses on the present and the future. Through the coaching process the client is able to see more clarity. It is like having on glasses, seing a clear picture, whereas before it was very blurry.

Often I find it hard to focus, because I have so many thoughts and ideas in my head and I don’t know sometimes how to bundle them. In our world there are so much “noises” and impressions around us that it is hard to focus on the things that are (most) important to us.

A life coach helps to focus. I experience this with my life coach. Sometimes I think I don’t really have anything to talk about, but after the coaching session I feel encouraged and I have specific action steps to do, which I wouldnt have really focused on one hour by myself. And my coach keeps me accountable which I find very helpful!

A coach focuses on potential, he sees peoples abilities for what they are at this moment and what they can become. People are always changing – but not always developing. To develop means to increase in understanding, skill or character.

Are you intentional in your personal development? How did you develop personally in the last year? How could you develop (more) in 2015?

Do you know people who expanded a lot in their professional life, but not in their personal life? Some people take on a lot of responsibilities in their professional life and learn and grow, but in their personal development they limp.

A lack of holistic development in one area of life can negatively effect other more developed areas of a person’s life, e.g. lack of character development – especially people in their 30’s (or 40’s), when they have a lot of responsibilities in their professional life. Have you seen leaders “crash”, because their personal, spiritual and character foundation couldn’t support their expanded professional responsibilities?

(summary Keith E.Webb: Core Coaching Skills).

As a life coach I ask my clients mainly questions. And through these questions they reflect, think critical, think creative, think in different directions, make decisions.

Have you noticed that when you make a decision out of “yourself” and this decision is not forced unto you – you are most likely to do it? That is how coaching works: it draws out what is in the client – the client has the answer! The coach only helps to draw out what is inside the client already.

The coaching process is focused on discovery. The client discovers with the help of the coach: new self-awareness, insights, ideas, learning, attitudes, facts, realizations…

After this discovery what happens next? If the process would stop here it would have been only a nice conversation with not much change.

Without action there is no change. Now comes the action!

(summary Keith E.Webb: Core Coaching Skills).

Example: if you make a new years resolution that you want to loose weight and you don’t put this into action (e.g. exercising, eating healthy), nothing will change – it only stays a wish, but there will be no change. Also if you don’t explore the “WHY” probably nothing changes or only for a short period of time. Ask yourself: Why do you want to loose weight and what benefits will it have?

Without asking the question why and then taking action steps you will probably fall back into bad habits and you will give up your resolution of loosing weight.

Nothing changes without personal transformation.” (Dr. W. Edwards Deming)

??? What are your thoughts on personal transformation??? How do you put into action what you discovered, what you want to do or what you want to become??? Who helps you with personal transformation??? How do you know that you grow personally (e.g. in character)???

(* BiOY APP, Author: Nicky and Pippa Gumbel)

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If you want to know more about how to find your life purpose, your strengths, your potential, goals, dreams, inner peace and joy if you want to live a satisfying life and see personal growth, then coaching might be for you. You can find more here:

http://spokefire.com/tabea-kraska/

What is your plan for 2015? Do you need help for reaching your goals?

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I wish you all a happy and very productive new year 2015. I hope your new year started very good – mine did!

1st of January I sat down and wrote down some of my goals for 2015 and what is important for me to remember each day/ each week.

So far I have been pretty good with my „achievements“ and I hope that I can maintain this positive energy and determination.

I made a creative „collage“ for 2015 (I do this every year since a few years) and I put it on my desk, where I can see it every day: what’s important for me in 2015, what do I want to remember each day! What are my goals?

At the same time I know that achievements are not the most important thing for me in my life. More important for me is what I become!

One quote I put on my collage is: „The most important thing in your life is not what you do – it’s who you become.“ Dallas Willard

This following quote speaks about this as well and I find it very good and challenging:

For everything you want in life, there is a price you must pay, in full and in advance. Decide what you really want and then determine the price you’ll have to pay to achieve it. Remember, to achieve something you’ve never achieved before – you must do something you have never done before. You must become someone who you have never been before. Whatever you want you’ll have to pay a price measured in terms of: sacrifice, time, effort and personal discipline. Decide what it is and start paying that price today.“ Brian Tracy

How can you reach your goals in 2015? By yourself or with the help of someone?

I am happy that I have help and encouragement in reaching my goals: a life coach.

I am a trained life coach but I also have my „own“ life coach who draws out the best in me and who helps me to reach my goals. My coach comes from Europe and it is a great thing that we can do our coaching sessions on skype. Some people think it’s weird on skype, but when they try it out some like it even better than in person =)

I am very happy that I am a life coach (this was my dream and goal for many many years and since a few years I coach people in different continents) and that I am able to help and inspire people to maximize their personal and professional potential.

The year 2014 was very encouraging for me and my clients. They gave me feedback that I helped them see „more clearly“ and that they never would have been there where they are now without the coaching (personal and professional).

I really love being a life coach and my passion is:

– to see people become that which they were meant to be, by encouraging them to use their unique gifts, act on their strengths, and discover the courage to facilitate their journey of personal growth.

How did you experience the last year? Did you reach your goals which you set in the beginning of 2014? If yes: great! Congratulations! If not: what do you think – why didn’t you reach them? What help would have been needed for you?

Are you determined to reach your goals in 2015?

How do you approach it?

Who can help you?

I am happy to coach you (in person or on skype) and help you realize and achieve your goals and dreams.

If you (or your friends) are interested Email me: colouryourdream@web.de

Wishing you a wonderful, blessed and worthwile year 2015 and that you “become someone that you have never been before.“

… to achieve something you’ve never achieved before – you must do something you have never done before. You must become someone who you have never been before. -Brian Tracy

??? What do you want to achieve this year? What did you never do before???

What kind of person do you have (want) to become??? What price do you have to pay???

Emotional ability

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Do you sometimtes honestly express to others how you feel? How do they react? Are they understanding or do they say: „Oh, it’s not that bad’, „Oh, I experienced much harder things“, „Oh, don’t be like this“, „Oh, why do you cry“?

Lean into your own discomfort and take a moment to acknowledge, not stifle or change other people’s feelings. You don’t have to agree with the way people are feeling, but you do have to recognize those feelings as legitimate and respect them. If you’re known for being terrible with relationships, then this may be a great place to start getting better.“

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #59)

I exprienced both type of people – but fortunately more the understanding ones, those who understand or really try to understand how a person is feeling. I think this has to do with being able to empathize, with emotional intelligence, how you grew up – what kind of role models you had – were they understanding or not? Did they share their feelings or just „swallowed“ everything?

I think some people can’t really „feel“ (empathize) with you, because they don’t want to be challenged in their „own world“. They don’t want to deal with feelings, just with facts. I think that people who don’t reflect on how they feel, they store up all kinds of feelings inside and one day it will all come up to the surface, e.g. in form of anger, or nasty words, blame.

If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.“ (Daniel Goleman)

??? I would love to hear from you what you think about this post? What experiences do you have with this???

Train your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)

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Do you sometimes or often or always avoid difficult people or situations? Why?

What could you do different next time in order to grow in Emotional Intelligence?

Here is one tip:

Do not avoid difficult people or inevitably tough situations. Make the choice to use your EQ (=Emotional Intelligence Quotient) skills to move forward by watching your emotions and making decisions about how to manage them. Observe the other person too, share your preferences, and move forward with reasonable expectations.“

??? Who is a difficult person for you or what situations are difficult for you? What feelings do you have when coming across difficult people or situations? What helps you to not avoid these people or situations???

(Quote: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #58)

Our emotions

 

 

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When we negate, deny, or disown our emotions we might find ourselves blowing up or ‘going off’ on others with little or no provocation. We can only repress our feelings for so long. Eventually, they will demand to be heard. When we pay attention to our emotions and not judge them as irrational and therefore unacceptable, we can begin to receive the gift of insight that our feelings offer.“

??? Do you have any expriences with this – with yourself or others???

(Quote from: Jeanine Austin)

Are you interested in others?

 

 

life coaching, coaching, life, colouryourdream, understanding, purpose,goal

Do you know people well? Are you open with your friends, aquaintances and family?

Do you understand them? Do you know why they do the things they do? Are you interested in them? How do you show that you are interested in them? How do you find out if you understand them?

I think many people don’t take the time to really understand a person. Instead they make up their mind why a person is the way she/ he is or why a person reacts a certain way. Many people are only interested in themselves and can’t bother to get to know other people very well.

I love it, when people ask me questions, because it shows that they are interested in me, want to know something about me or want to know my opinion about a topic. I also love to ask questions and find out more about people – I find it fascinating to get to know people on a deeper level. A great way is to ask questions.

When people know you well, there’s less room for them to misinterpret you. Make the time to be more open with friends, coworkers, or family about why you do the things you do. Also the more you show interest in them, the better shot you have at understanding them well, too. Be curious about who they are and why they do the things they do.“

It is good to ask questions – not only to people we don’t know (well), but also to people we know very well (or we think we know well). You will be surprised what you find out about a person when you ask them different questions. Sometimes we think that we know a person very well, but when we start asking questions we realize that we don’t.

??? What questions do you like asking??? What do you like about asking questions? Why don’t you ask questions? What holds you back from asking questions? What do you like about when others ask you questions???

(Quote: Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy # 50)

Your unique gift

 

Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.“

– Albert Einstein –

 

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How often do you compare yourself to someone else? How often do you say to yourself: “She/ he is so good in this. I wish I could do this too.“

Instead of thinking: „I can’t climb the tree“, you can shift your way of thinking and focus on your great ability to swim with no effort. Because someone who can climb the tree can’t swim like you without effort.

Do you compare yourself with others? What does this do with you?

Do you focus on your gifts, instead of looking envious to the person with other gifts? Do you wish you had other gifts?

What would happen, if you focused on on your gifts and used them?

You are a unique person and you have have gifts, nobody else has in this special combination like you have!

I am looking forward to hearing from you a responses to the following questions:

??? What are you good at? What energizes you? What do you love doing? When do you loose track of time (when doing what)???

To understand each other (Part 5)

life coaching, colouryourdream, life, purpose, marriage

Paul Tournier writes in his book that in order to achieve understanding we need to accept our natural differences.

He says that „instinctively, a very rational man is going to marry a very sentimental woman. Their complementing one another will, at the beginning, elicit an enthusiastic reaction in him. But later on he will want to make her listen to the objective arguments of reason; he will become annoyed at not being successful in this. He will try to show her that she is not logical in her sentimental explosions.“

??? When you look at couples around you – do you see this???

Now he explains what the woman will do. He says that she will „reproach her husband for his ice-cold rational manner which stifles all life.“

Nevertheless: even if people are so different by nature, they are „made to complement each other, that through each other they may discover so much of what they’ve not known or sensed before. This is one purpose of marriage.“ (Page 37)

Tournier says that man and woman are „basically different“ and this is the reason, why they have „such great difficulty in understanding one another and such great need of one another for their growth.“ He mentiones that a man has a „theoretical mind while a woman has a more person-centered mind“ and that a woman „thinks of people, and in terms of people.“ (Page 38) When men gather together they „expound magnificent theories on the way the world should be governed and how universal peace (…) can be achieved. These theories are quite abstract, detached, and unrelated to the immediate situation.“(P.38)

So a man can learn from a woman and he can „aquire a feeling for persons. Civilisation built by men alone would remain abstract, cold, technical, and dehumanized. A woman thinks in detail, also. Details interest her more than general ideas. She has a need to tell all the day’s happenings, once she is with her husband.“ (P.39).

The man „needs to learn from his wife the importance of both concrete and personal details, without which general idas are no more than empty theories.“ (P.40)

Tournier points out the speech itself „has a different meaning for men than it has for women. Through speech men express ideas and communicate information. Women speack in order to express feelings, emotions. This explains why a wife will relate then times an experience she has lived. It is not to inform her husband.“ (P.40)

She „needs to tell it again in order to discharge emotional tension which the experience has built up in her heart. Many men never ebven get to express their feelings, to say the „I love you“ that the wife would like to hear a hundred times. She asks, „Do you love me?“ He replies, „You know that I do.“ It is not that she does not know. Rather, she would like to hear it expressed ever once more. This is the greater since her husband never says it to her. He expresses his feelings in other ways: a caress, a look, or even a rough kind of grunt.“ (P.40).

Tournier tells a story of a woman „who was suffering from just such a lack of ever hearing a tender word from the lips of her husband. One day she came to see me quite upset. Her husband, without even having warned her, had had the workmen come to refinish her living-room floor. The whole house was upset and dirty. This woman was irritated. I said to her, „Each person speaks in his own way! This is how your husband tells you that he loves you. Throw your arms around him if you can understand his language. Tell him how he must love you in order to go to such expenses to give you a more beautiful living room.“

This expample reminds me actually of what my husband did for me. He painted the kitchen, table, shelves…. : everything white (in lots and lots and lots of hours), because I love white furniture! He also planted once tulips for me, because I LOVE tulips. He planted 100 (!!!) tulips for me! Wow – he really must love me =) This is really amazing! THANKS!

life coaching, life, coaching, colouryourdream, purpose, marriage

Further Paul Tournier writes in his book, that in order to „understand each other, man and wife must take an interest in what interests the other, and come to understand why it interestes the other. A man will talk of his interest only when he senses genuine interest in another, and it is only when he talks of it that the other can understand better the character of that interest. In this way the horizon broadens for both partners, instead of steadily narrowing. Real understanding always brings with it a going beyond one’s self. Then can teh home serve as a foundation to one’s calling, and the calling can enrich in its turn the spiritual life of the home. The conflict from wich many couples suffer can be solved. Yet, the profound differences which separate men and women are found in the very thing which brings them together: love itself.“ (P.42&43)

Book: „To understand each other. Classic wisdom on marriage“, Paul Tournier

Washing

Inspirational story!

Morning Story and Dilbert

Morning Story and Dilbert Vintage Dilbert
August 15, 1989

One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.

The director discovered from his CV that the youth’s academic achievements were excellent. He asked, “Did you obtain any scholarships in school?” the youth answered “no.”

“Was it your father who paid for your school fees?”

“My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

“Where did your mother work?”

“My mother worked as a clothes cleaner.”

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

“Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?”

“Never…my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can…

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Emotional intelligence – how do you talk to others?

life coaching, colouryourdream, purpose, goal, dream, emotional intelligence

For some people this comes more easy than for others, but we all can learn how to be better in this regard:

To be socially aware, you must be socially present and remove distractions- especially the ones inside your head. To clear away the clutter, don’t interrupt the other person, squelch the voice that is planning your response, and refocus your attention on the other person’s face and words.“

When you talk to others do you sometimes think what you will say or answer next? Watch yourself when you talk the next time to somebody, if you really listen to the person and if you really focus on their words. Are you also able to just pause after the person has said something or do you just want to „get rid“ of all your thoughts you have already in mind while the other person is talking?

What is your experience? When is it more easy for you to pause and when not?

( Book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Strategy #39)

 

 

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